|NINE (9) DAYS and counting til I see most of y’all! Better get your O-fficial Weekend Pass and Sunday Bathrobe Brunch Tickets while you can—they may NOT be available when you get here and if so, they ARE more expensive in Jackson!
Here’s the latest scoop:
Remember I said we had Something Special since we’re unable to have Jello Wrasslin’ this year? OOOOHH! Y’all are gonna LOOOVE THIS new product for all your Home Jello Wrasslin’ needs! It’s called Gelli Baff® and it is HILARIOUS! It’s just like the stuff we used last year at the Hilton (not actual edible Jell-O®)—your kids will go NUTS for it—IF you let them try it, that is. You just run a tub of WARM water (which we did NOT have at the Hilton pool!), sprinkle the “goo maker” stuff over the top, wait a couple minutes—and VOYOLA! GOO! TCBITW is in there soaking in it RIGHT NOW! He says it actually feels really good in the warm water—retains the heat and is quite soothing. Here's his PHOTO on my Facebook Page.
Then, when you’re done with whatever you decide to do in there—you sprinkle the “goo dissolver” stuff in there—and it turns it back into water and it goes right down the drain—MAGIC!
A percentage of all GELLI BAFF® sales next weekend will, of course, go to THE CHIRREN.
Jan Michaels, Q105.1FM and Mississippi Blood Services will be at the Hilton on Thursday, 3/18. Not only do we want your MONEY for the CHIRREN—we ALSO WANT YOUR BLOOD! MBS is the supplier to Blair E. Batson Children’s Hospital. Remember, our motto is always: ANY-THANG FOR THE CHIRREN™—and we ain’t kiddin’—so, give us a pint!
On Friday Night, at the FireFly® Sweet Tea Vodka SPQ™ Ball, there will be a SILENT AUCTION, during which you will have the opportunity to Bid On The Body Parts of TCBITW, including his HEAD (but excluding the parts that are obviously reserved as My Personal Property and I WILL BE THERE, don’t forget.) And again, NO THONG THIS YEAR! Winners of this auction will then have the unique experience of SHAVING the particular body part on which they successfully outbid the other Queens. (Necessary shaving articles will be handily provided to you.)
Then, Saturday Night, at the Michelob ULTRA SPQ™ Pearls & Pj’s™ Party, EVERYBODY can purchase SPQ™ and/or FireFly® Tattoos and apply those Alll Over His Body (except on the aforementioned Parts belonging exclusively to ME)—we would REEALLY like to see him turned into THE ILLUSTRATED MAN—so buy LOTS—IT’S FOR THE CHIRREN!
Also, on Saturday Night, our very own KILTBOY—known in Hollywood as “Randall Wallace,” writer of such films as Bravehart, Man in the Iron Mask, We Were Soldiers, Pearl Harbor, will be At Your Queenly Service. You can buy another round of those Tattoos and Kiltboy WILL INSTALL THEM ON YOUR OWN PERSONAL BODY PARTS (within the bounds of Commonly Accepted Decency). We are told (by him) that he holds a Black Belt in this particular sport and we have no cause to doubt that. Again—DO IT FOR THE CHIRREN!
BIG-A** CROWN & CRUISE RAFFLE!
Whoo hoo! McGehee Cruise & Vacation has generously given Blair E. Batson Children’s Hospital a CRUISE to add to their Big A** Crown Raffle! The winner gets NOT ONLY the Big A** Crown BUT ALSO a 5-night cruise for 2 on the Carnival Elation, out of Mobile headed for Progreso and Cozumel—in DECEMBER—when we reeeeally need it!
Ok, here’s the fine print part of the Cruise deal:
The winner will receive a 5 night Cruise for two, sailing on the Carnival Elation from Mobile, AL Saturday December 4, 2010, returning to Mobile, AL Thursday December 9, 2010. The winner of this cruise will receive one interior stateroom for up to two people in the stateroom, including port charges, government cruise taxes and fees, and prepaid gratuities for dining and stateroom staff. Also, the cruise includes cruise transportation from Mobile, AL to Progreso and Cozumel, Mexico and cruise transportation back to Mobile, AL, and meals and entertainment on board the ship.
There are some expenses that must be paid by the winner - transportation to the ship in Mobile, a current US Passport, and any other personal expenses requested by the winner, and anything not specifically mentioned as being included.
They can change dates and pay any price difference. They can give it to an immediate family member who can go December 4, or change dates and pay the difference. It has no refund or cash value and can't be sold or bartered.
We are soooo excited about this FOR THE CHIRREN and for the WINNER! To make it even better for the Queenly Winner, I will also donate a regular SPQ™ Crown—which, by itself and compared to most any other earthly crown, is pretty fabulous—however, alongside the custom-made LARRY VRBA BIG A** CROWN–it looks PATHETIC. So, the Winner will have the BIG GIANT SPARKLY CROWN to wear—and the Lucky Friend that she selects to accompany her on the cruise will have to wear the puny-by-comparison one the whole time—thus leaving NO DOUBT in anybody’s mind WHO THE BOSS QUEEN IN THAT DEAL IS!
A fabulous crown, a fabulous trip, AND the chance to drive your Best Friend wild with envy—PRICELESS. (I’m personally thinking it would be HI-LARIOUS if MARTHA JEAN won the thing and then FIFI would have to watch her prance around in that Big A** Crown for the rest of their lives. We could all enjoy that—in that really mean sorta way that we love!)
We hope to see lotsa leaves on the Dirty Rotten Bastid Tree and the Heinous B*tch Bush—buy the leaves (for the Chirren) and plaster the names of the Ones You Love to Hate all over the place. Whee!
Be sure to get your All-In-One Weekend Pole/B*itch Pass—giving you unlimited access to the STRIPPER POLE, all weekend—PLUS—free rein to gossip, bad-mouth and/or dog-cuss the whole time. (For non-Pass Holders, it’s a quarter a spin on the pole and AT LEAST that for every verbal assault on another person, whether it’s behind their backs or not. You gotta pay to play and if you don’t, you’ll be restricted to DIRTY LOOKS ONLY—which is bound to be bad for your blood pressure!) The CHIRREN NEED FOR YOU TO SPIN A WHOLE LOT—and VENT YOUR QUEENLY SPLEENS ON BY-STANDERS, INNOCENT OR OTHERWISE! Get your Passes or bring a BIG SACK OF QUARTERS! (FYI: This year the Weekend Pole/B*itch Pass is Veeeery Cute—original Steve Erickson art on both sides, laminated!) Cheaters will be ostracized.
Again, many LARGE THANKS to our sponsors: FireFly® Sweet Tea Vodka, Pepsi, Comcast, Michelob ULTRA and Q105.1FM/Clear Channel Radio for heppin’ us hep the Chirren.