Posted August 13th, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
Ok, HERE IS HOW TO GET A ROOM AT THE HILTON FOR THE MILLION QUEEN MARCH WEEKEND–and it is the ONLY way–so don’t try something else and then e-mail me that they told you they were full! YOU MUST CALL THIS NUMBER AND ONLY THIS NUMBER–601-957-2800–AND YOU MUST ASK FOR BILLIE BURNS and ONLY BILLIE BURNS–do not ask for “reservations”–Billie will help you. He is DA MAN and he looooves his Queens. The Hilton is NOT FULL–YET. It IS time to make your reservations but it is not–again, I say–it is NOT full yet.
HOWEVER, if you insist on calling the 1-800 number for the Hilton, THOSE PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU THE HILTON IS FULL–because WE HAVE IT BOOKED.
If you speak to Billie Burns and HE HISOWNSELF tells you the Hilton is full–fine, e-mail me and I’ll tell you where to book.
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Posted August 12th, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
I’m speaking at the fundraiser for the PINK HEARTS FUND in Biloxi, Ms. on August 27. JoAn Nicely started this program after Katrina to help Katrina-struck cancer victims who had lost their wigs during the storm–and of course, INSURANCE WOULD NOT PAY TO REPLACE THEM–one more insult to so much injury. Today, JoAn collects hair–and $$–and has wigs made for CHILDREN WITH CANCER. Now you KNOW how we feel about the CHIRREN!! ANYTHANG for ‘em!
Last year, at this event, I literally sold the sequined coat off my back–and so, this year, to avoid repeating the humiliating experience of having my bare arms flapping in the breeze and my enormous bee-hind NOT hidden beneath an overlong coattail, I had LARRY VRBA make me this special PINK HEARTS CROWN and it will be auctioned at the event. Ticket info can be found on the CALENDAR of my website–but when you call for a ticket–don’t tell JoAn about the crown–it’s a SURPRISE!
(If you’re just reading this on the BLOG, you’ll have to go to my FACEBOOK page to see the photo–I have no idea how to post a photo on here and I am in no mood to deal with the EVIL HENCHMAN THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING!)
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Posted August 11th, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
Y’all get this from Amazon if you missed it in the theaters–also see if you can get the short film THE ACCOUNTANT–same guys and they won an Oscar for it. Both films are hysterical and the folks in ‘em are just the nicest people ever in Real Life. It’s so great to see a SOUTHERN FILM–in which they have used ACTUAL SOUTHERN ACTORS—DUHHHH! I know parts of the world thought Tom Hanks did a decent Southern accent in FORREST GUMP–but for those of us Down Here, it was like FINGERNAILS ON A BLACKBOARD! Ray McKinnon and Walton Goggins and Lisa Blount are really and truly Southern–and brilliant as well. Both these films can be watched by the whole family, too–which is fairly rare these days!
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Posted August 10th, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
Even the Evil Henchman occasionally has an OFF DAY and does something GOOD FOR US–instead of his USUAL f-ups and denials! He actually posted this for us and even activated all the links in it! Of course, I DID give him about 40 bottles of BAREFOOT WINE, so he was prolly just drunk and FORGOT TO SCREW IT UP!
For anybody thinking about coming to the Million Queen March in 2010, there is a whole bunch of BASIC INFO posted on the PARADE page of the website. Details, obviously, will be forthcoming as they are worked out–but this is a basic run-down of What All You Can Expect for the weekend. MANY frequently asked questions are answered therein–DO NOT make the HUGE mistake of NOT READING IT and e-mailing me with a question I have answered plain as day on that page–boy-hidee, that do make me CRAB-BY!
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Posted August 7th, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
We have No Dog in This Hunt (so to speak)–meaning, we do not profit in any way, shape or form from you buying and trying this dog food. We are telling you about it PURELY as a public service on account of the great experiences we have had and witnessed firsthand with the stuff. I would recommend anybody with a puny and/or hairless, itchy dog give it a try–I know you’ve tried everything else by now!
The next part is from my seester, Judy, regarding her experience with her 1,000-year old dog, Otis. I am telling you, this dog lived an extra 5 years on account of this food AND he did it with beautiful HAIR. I was tempted to eat the stuff myownself!
Hey Y’all: At last what I call the miracle food - officially called Jake’s Cuisine - is available for everyone to order via website – www.jakescuisine.com. The late, beloved BROWN DOG was lucky to have it the last few years of his life. Prior to that he got to where he was scratching 24/7 and had chewed all the fur off entire butt area. After about 6 weeks of that food, the fur grew back and he looked like a show dog. Everyone said! Also, he had lots of spare time since he didn’t have to do all that scratching. You owe it to your dog. It ended up saving me money because of all the pills, salves, balms, ointments I kept buying to no avail. Also, he no longer need eye ointment twice a day for dry eyes. judy conner
This is me, Jill, again: It’s finally available everywhere online–and you can read more testimonials on the site, too. They don’t call it “miracle food”–that’s what Judy and I call it–because it IS. Kyle’s other two wives, Angie and Laura, who live next door (just like on BIG LOVE, only without the actual marriage and/or sex–for SURE without all them young’uns–mostly it’s just more errands for Kyle)–had a 1000-year old cocker spaniel who was at Death’s Door (she wouldn’t even eat actual CHICKEN) until we started adding miracle food to her regular stuff and she perked right on up and lived another year of Quality Life–with beautiful long golden hair, too!
If you’ve got a “problem” dog–give this stuff a try. You only add like 1/2 cup or so (if that) to their regular food–they all seem to love it–and, in our opinion, it’s a True Merkle.
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Posted August 5th, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
I’m sure the explanation contained therein will be meaningful and important to all. xxooj.
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Posted August 2nd, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
Scott only brought TWELVE DOZEN DEVILED AIGS when he come down here! Some of ‘em plain–’cause them’s my favorites–some with caviar–Kyle loves those–and a whole buncha pickled ones with jalapenos–ever’body loves those. But I swannee, I did not think it was possible–but I am sick to death of aigs at this moment. I don’t care if I don’t see another one for at least a week. I don’t even mind that Scott has been out west with That Other Aig-Eatin’ Woman–I know she didn’t get anywhere near as many as I got so ha–HA!
We had a Very Large Time in Foley–I had not ever seen a house with a porch 100 feet long before–but I can tell you, it makes for some very fine Nappage! Jeffrey and I got to experience the Pirate’s Cove and neither one of us contracted H1-N1, that we know of, so far! Barefoot Wine made sure we felt appropriately festive at the Civic Center and I am still eating cupcakes I brought home–so yippee!
But I am still sick of aigs. For now.
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Posted July 31st, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
This is the website for Writing Out Loud: poetsandwriters.okstate.edu/outloud/index.html.
One of my favorite interviews/interviewers ever. Check it out if you’ve got a Queenly minute!
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Posted July 21st, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
Mama is still firmly lodged in the Very Doorway of Death and is refusing to budge–in EITHER direction. She and God apparently have a Plan but neither of ‘em are sharing clues with the likes of US–so we got her moved to a new and very safe place–while we continue making preparations to move her HOME to our house next week. We have lined up lots of company for her at the new place for this weekend, making it possible for me to actually make a scheduled appearance–for the first time since March 27–and so I’ll be at the Foley Library Fundraiser on Sunday!
YESTERDAY, I managed to accomplish what I considered to be an impressive number of things–given my recent ongoing Mama-induced brain death–WITHOUT THE AID OF EITHER XANAX OR LARGE CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE (my two drugs of choice during this Stressful Time)–I managed to drive to the REAL Farmer’s Market (not that ridiculous place on the Fairgrounds)–and buy REAL tomatoes, green beans, squash, okra,corn, peaches–AND…TWO BUSHELS OF PRE-SHELLED LADY PEAS!
Lady Peas are my very favorite summer delicacy and they are only available for about 15 minutes once a year–and you can only get ‘em in the South. My dear friend, Queeny TammyKatie from Bakersfield, CA–where they grow just about EVERYTHING in the Universe EXCEPT Lady Peas, eats them 3 meals a day when she comes to visit. We actually call ‘em KATIE PEAS at our house.
There are only two stands left at the Real Farmers Market–Brenda’s on one side and Doris Berry’s on the other. Everybody who shops there is pretty much committed to one or the other: you’re either a Brenda or a Doris Berry and I am sure the choice speaks volumes about our personality and character traits, like an astrological sign–but that’s a subject for another time. Suffice it to say, I am a Doris Berry.
Having been bound and gagged in Mama Hell for so very long, yesterday marked my first visit to the Real Farmers Market this summer but I was greeted with the usual open arms by Doris Berry and her staff. The first thing they wanted to know was, “ARE YOU HERE TO BUY KATIE PEAS?” I said, Lord, yes, and thank GOD I was not too late to get some!
Every year when I’m in line buying multiple bushels of PRE-SHELLED Lady Peas, somebody will invariably ask me “What are they charging for those shelled peas?” and my answer is always the same: I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T CARE–WHATEVER THEY ARE CHARGING, IT IS WORTH EVERY PENNY–as much as I love me some Lady Peas–I AIN’T SHELLIN’ ‘EM FOR NOBODY, NOT NO WAY, NOT NO HOW!”
So I loaded up with all my fresh veggies–and, still UNMEDICATED in any way–brought them home and not only cooked a veritable FEAST for me, TCBITW and Bailey–I put up one of them bushels of Lady Peas in the freezer, for future consumption–perhaps at Katie’s next MOST ANTICIPATED visit, after the LONG-AWAITED birth of EVIL STEWIE, who has been cooking in her own personal oven for what seems like FOR-EVER!
We sat down and, like three fat locusts, devoured everything in sight–if there is anything BETTER than homecooked FRESH veggies, I just don’t know what it could be. UNLESS–along with them homecooked fresh veggies–one is also lucky enough to have a BIG JAR OF MARTHA JEAN BY GAWD ALFORD’S HOMEMADE DIXIE RELISH–which, of course, WE WERE SO FORTUNATE TO HAVE ON HAND. I swear, we ate til we liked to fell over in a faint and it was purely a blessin’!
Today, God willing, I will put up that other bushel of peas and who knows what else I might manage to get done–it appears I’m on some kind of roll! I might even run the VACUUM! Although that seems a Fool’s Errand. Granted, the dog and cat hair IS in 3 foot drifts around the house–but it’s not like the animals will STOP shedding, just because I finally managed to clear a path through the piles. No, I’ll prolly make more custard for Mama–who calls it her “goody,” and wait to vacuum until RIGHT BEFORE Allen and Jeffrey pull into the driveway on Friday.
And, of course, I’ll consume any and all leftovers from last night–with the remains of the Dixie Relish!
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Posted July 20th, 2009 by Jill Conner Browne
For the first time since March 27, I am actually going to WORK for the first time since Mama started dragging us all through the knothole sideways! I will be at the CIVIC CENTER, next to the FOLEY LIBRARY, in Foley, Alabama, Sunday, July 26 at 2pm and since JEFFREY GROSS(of Jeffrey Dollbear fame) will be with me–also The Cutest Boy in the World–AND BAREFOOT WINE & BUBBLY–I figger it’s a pretty good way to spend a Sunday afternoon–having fun, laughs, wine AND heppin’ out the liberry! A Perfect Summer Sunday! It is entirely possible that Spud Stud Scott and SPQ Wannabe Martha Jean Alford will also be with me–mercy–how WILL we endure the wait until then! For more info, call Donna Soto at 251-970-2203 and COME PLAY!
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