SWINE FLU–TAKE ME AWAY!
Posted April 28th, 2009 by Jill Conner BrowneIf there is to be a pandemic in these parts, I would like to volunteer to be one of the First Ones to Succumb. I am already practicing my Succumbing Look and picking out something slimming to be cremated in. Do you lose weight with swine flu? If I get it, I do hope I die from it since if I live through it, I will just be THAT MUCH FURTHER BEHIND with the 800gajillion things I was supposed to have already done and people will quickly forget that I nearly died from the swine flu and just be pissed off that I haven’t done whatever it is. If I died, on the other hand, they could just BE pissed off that it was never gonna get done and they wouldn’t be able to nag ME about it ever again!
In the meantime, I’m not gonna do anything–at all–about anything–I am going to lie down and wait to be stricken. This is just the opportunity I have been looking for!
14 Responses to “SWINE FLU–TAKE ME AWAY!”
April 28th, 2009 at 11:49 am
OH NO !!!! You have to wait a little while longer before succumbing…I have food for this weekend that might sustain you a leetle bit…You can lie around and mouth breathe all you want on Friday…. I promise !!!
April 28th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Oh Lordy! Being a paramedic myself, I have been receiving daily updates about the dreaded “SWINE” Flu. It is pretty much like the Human strain of Flu, only not as severe. Did you hear that the country of Israel is refusing to call it “SWINE” Flu because of their religious abstinence from all things pork? They’re calling it the Mexico Flu! While I don’t think I want to get the “SWINE” Flu, I am not quite ready to give up all things pork!
April 28th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
I think I’d want to die if I got the Swine Flu. Since telling people that I had the Swine Flu would make me feel like dying. And if I do have to get something so trendy….I’d want to go all the way with it.
April 28th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I think telling people I had it would be the best part– I like to think they’d run from me like I was Godzilla or King Kong, and that would be fun to see.
xoxokd
P.S. I’m so envious y’all get to see Scott this week, and that he gets to see y’all. I’ll be thinking of you… and all of the Delicious Scott Treats you’ll be eating, of course.
April 28th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Don’t kiss a pig unless it is wearing lipstick!
April 28th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
I shant expire until I have eaten the last of Scott’s incredible Latin Lasagna and Peruvian Corn Salad–that’s for sure! Nancy, if I kissed a lipstick wearing pig, that would mean it was either a girl or a crossdresser and people will be sure to talk bad about me for kissing either, don’t you think? You know how people are!
April 30th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Before I lie down and wait to be stricken. I think I’ll make a Vanilla Pig Cocktail. Since I know that yaw’ll love receiped; here it is:
Ingredients for a Vanilla Pig
Smirnoff® Vanilla Twist Vodka
Dr. Pepper® Soda
Quantities for one drink:
3 oz Smirnoff® Vanilla Twist Vodka
6 oz Dr. Pepper® Soda
Blending Instructions:
Pour both ingredients into a highball glass
Add ice if desired, and serve
April 30th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
***Snicker*** Come and git me ye dead-burned peegs from hell! I ain’t skeert! LOL!
May 1st, 2009 at 2:44 pm
One time I was laid up in bed sick, and it steamed me because my hair was dirty, and I’d planned to wash it that day. The next day I tottered to the shower long enough for a quick shampoo, then fell back into bed. I still felt sick, but at least my hair didn’t look like a rat’s nest. So if the swine flu’s going to get me, I want advance notice to get my hair into shape.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:27 am
bein a Hogtown Hussie and all, i’m takin offense at all this swine bashin…ain’t skeered a bit neither…come and git me pigs/ hogs/ swines…my hair’s good enough!
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Jamie–I just do NOT KNOW WHAT to say about that Vanilla Pig drank! Have you actually MADE and CONSUMED that yourveryownself??? What in this world does it taste like?
I’m headed to Omaha on the 13th to speak at a fundraiser for their chirren’s hospital–we’re trying to figger out if I can fly or if we’re gonna have to DRIVE to Omaha! NOT CLOSE BY!
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:22 pm
I can’t believe I missed Scott’s food. Was there eggs, too !!! I’m not real sure of this swine flu; BUT, I will still be eating ribs. I’m thinking if other folks got the flu (not that I really want anyone to get sick)they’d quit asking me to do things and then I might get caught up doing the things I’m behind doing now.
May 14th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
As a “Professional Eye Opener” from Fort Worth, I was very pleased that the pigs learned to fly ” Swine Flu”
because I won a free week of vacation from teaching those darlin Chillren of Fort Worth! Yahoo, summer is just 3 weeks away!
May 16th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
The “Vanilla Pig Drank” taste just like a vanilla Dr. Pepper! Yummy!
Congrats there Tammy Dawn. I’m really a Fort Worth girl – 2nd generation from the Southside. The Swine Flu started in Fort Worth right there in my momandthem’s old School, McLean. I’m so proud!