NEW BOOK TIME–WHAT DO Y’ALL NEED?
Posted April 2nd, 2009 by Jill Conner BrowneWhat particular area of your lives are you needing my help with at the moment? I am getting ready to do the next book and I want to make sure that I am Serving You Well–so lemme hear from you!
Etiquette?
Teenagers and Other Pests (ie, husbands) in your house at the same time you’re trying to deal with menopause?
Are you a Man Who May Need Killing but would like to Change to Suit Us? (HA! I am not expecting a flood of responses from THAT demographic!)
Basic Survival Skills?
Tell me what you want/need–I do live to serve!
Filed under:General
47 Responses to “NEW BOOK TIME–WHAT DO Y’ALL NEED?”
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:19 am
help!!! I have requested info from all4 of my local chapters on joining the fun and have gotten no responses!!! I would die to be a SPQ!! I live in Hot Springs,Ar. 71901-can anyone help me???
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 am
Oh I have such a tale to tell! One of the pillars of my church recently passed away after a long illness. The family decided to have one of those “everything in one day” funerals. The visitation was from noon to two, with funeral starting promptly at two. Well the hearse shows up at the church a little before noon. Now my daddy who was a pall bearer is telling this story to me, and he says it gets really good about here! He and the others take the casket into to the church followed by the family. They roll the casket up front, put it into place, and open it, and lo and behold, it is not their dearly departed! The wife nearly has a spell as the funeral director tries to tell her and the other family members the yes indeed, that’s him, ‘they just look different when they’re dead.’ To which she replied “I was married to him for nearly sixty years, and that ain’t him”! Let me tell you my mother fairly swooned, and my daddy, who can see the humor in everything, had to leave the church sanctuary to keep from “snorting” in front of the family. The family was quickly escorted out of the church to the fellowship hall to be served a bereavement meal, while the funeral tries to figure what the hell they hell they did with the body. (Thank Goodness I dropped those bisquits off early!) By this time I’m beginning to wonder who this guy in the casket is, and is there a family somewhere else having a spell over him???? Well sure enough, across town there is another funeral without the right body! After a couple hours, the funeral home gets the right bodies to the right church and the funerals take place. Now my preacher had a tall order in front of him when it came time to eulogize the dearly departed, I mean what do you say after all that???
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 am
My daddy has always told me “If you work at something you love…you’ll never work again a day in your life!” What is the secret to finding a job that makes you happy?
A thankful larva…
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:44 am
I think the etiquette book is a great idea–etiquette in the workplace, travelling, how to behave yourself in a restaurant, how to properly execute the stink eye to those who are not behaving themselves, etc.
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:47 am
SHEILA–I know it LOOKS LIKE you can contact Queens from our site–but you can’t–we had to disable that due to Unscrupulous Vendors–boo hiss! E-mail kyle@baddogmanagement.com and he will help you reach some Queens in your area. And of course, I would suggest you simply start your OWN chapter–that way YOU get to be the BOSSQUEEN–best job you’ll EVER have!
But those Queens are NOT ignoring you–they never got your e-mails, hunny! xxooj.
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:48 am
Allison–love the body mix-up! And Penny–I saw your Kissing Booth suggestion–bwahahaha! Between that and the thong, the future of the Chirren is assured!
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:48 am
I think serving as caretakers would be great — everything from nannies, babysitters, dog sitters, Alzeimer’s patients, to older parents in the home. There will be a common truth that resonates in these topics and the lives of those who have lived/are living them. And God knows the humor oft times keeps us from crying!
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:52 am
Anything that has to do with getting rid of unwanted husbands, boyfriends, S.O.s would be good.
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:59 am
Sirrena, I have found the secret to finding a job that makes you happy. You take something that you enjoy doing on your own time & find someone to pay you for it. (Try to keep it legal as you don’t want to waste your money on court costs, attorneys fees, etc, when you could spend it on yourownself.) I love cooking & talking to new people & I now have the best job in the world. I am “Queen of the Kitchen” at Matadors inside Winstar Casino in Thackerville, OK. (Ya’ll stop by & give me a holler) It’s great when all the other cooks address me as Queenie & ask what they can do for me.
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:59 am
GAYAN–Remember, as MUCH as they DO NEED killing sometimes–IT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO FOLLOW THROUGH!
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:01 am
Yay! Kissing booth!!
btw, I got through menopause with valium and fits of manical laughter–that crazy crying and laughing at the same time thing. My dear husband, bless his heart, just mostly steered clear of me except when I needed him to TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING RIGHT NOW, which he did with a smile on his face. Yep, I raised him right.
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:14 am
Being Queenly In The Workplace, especially when you work with people who are back-stabbers, don’t appreciate humor, or God Forbid, think tiaras are silly. I’ve done my best to establish my queenly presence, but when people call me “princess” or “your highness” I fear they don’t mean it the way I hear it in my head. I just need a new job.
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:29 am
Emily, you must work with the biggest bunch of miserable, stick-in-the-muds in the world. Quick!!! Find yourself a job with people who can appreciate your Royalness. Leave the others behind. They are not worthy of your presence.
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:32 am
Jill,
I LOVE the menopause idea…any permutation related to that subject would be hilarious and a GREAT help to those of us fixin’ to get it, in it or after its all over…
Also..what about raising kids and then like boomerangs or bungee cords they come whippin back to live at home again! Yikes!
…more to come.
SOunds like MIllion QUeen March 2009 was a huge success!
Deb
Pittsburgh (formerly from North Dakota!)
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:35 am
I wish that was an option!! That’s why I need Jill to write a book…HELP ME JILL!!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:58 am
Just saw a segment on the Today show about funerals, and I think a book about throwing a big-ass funeral, which you have fully planned yourself, and funeral etiquette, could be entertaining. Especially after reading the entry here about the wrong body showing up! The book could include tips for planning your own funeral and also tips for the guests. And of course, recipes!!! Could include, for those who want to be cremated, fun things to do with the ashes… creative urns (which was something shown on the Today show segment). Something we all have to deal with at some point, so why not go about it with a sense of humor!
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:32 am
Maybe you could include menopause and hot flashes, with being a caregiver for your elderly parents and the impending funeral (talkin about your own) ALL in a book about “Not Gettin Any Younger.”
It fits everyone eventually…if you’re lucky,
I guess. Ageism is rampant in the U.S., Jill, so you can provide some needed information for us as well as help folks realize that life, and the laughs, don’t end at 30, or 40, or 50!!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:43 am
I would L-U-V love to have all of the SPQ recipes from all your books in one book. It could be broken down into areas dealing with the life crises we all have to deal with at one time or another (funerals, men, chirren, etc.) You could intersperse funny stories within the book, instead of including recipes in your funny stories. I’d like to see all the recipes you’ve shared over the years in there, plus whatever new ones you’re discovering in your worldly travels. You have a huge resource in the women you are connecting with every day. Most women have one or two never-fail go-to recipes that are used over and over to console themselves and/or others that they would be willing to share should you run short of ideas yourownself. Plus, you would be able to consume and/or dispense the goodies that come from testing new recipes. Think about it, please, Good Queen Jill. And congratulations on a successful MQM 2009.
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:08 am
Oh Jill, I’m begging you, do an etiquette book. And PLEASE include a section for parade weekend and the handing over of your room key to random men in the Hilton lobby, how to get in and out of a jello pool with minimal spillage and the wearing of plastic versions of male genitals as jewelry: leave a little something to the imagination, people.
April 2nd, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I’d love a travel book. All your stories of the trial and tribulations of travel. I’m sure we could all add to it. And some fun travel stuff, too.
April 2nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
How about a book on menopausal women traveling?
Then MY MAN I SAT NEXT TO ON THE AIRPLANE can be in it!!! I could have kilt him but I didn’t….
April 2nd, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Yes, Traveling Menopause and Whore-moans would be good. Also, if you could re-enforce the VALUE of Laser Hair removal (for Gawd-sakes use that Tax return on yourownself’s “STIMULUS Package” I’m just sayin’)
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Sheila Galbavy
I live in Little Rock, not Hot Springs, but we met a bunch of Arkansas Queens Parade weekend. Would love to have you find/start a Hot Springs group as you live a ways from us (But very close to the World’s Cutest In-Laws…just sayin) Rumor has it there will a BUNCH of different Queens (a variety of chapters, I hear) in Conway for the Toad Suck Daze Parade (Yes…google it! There really IS such a thang!) Please approach any of the queens at that parade and you will find out more than you may want to know about Arkansas Queens. In the meantime, you may make a friend request on Facebook. My name is, of course, Queen Saraka. Hope to help you on your way (suck up gifts…chocolate and booze, or chocolate booze… are accepted as a thank you. It is good practice for when you meet the REAL Queen.
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Jill, I know that you share my “hobby”..um, appreciation for “interesting” obituaries! It’s always a sure way to start the day with a good laugh. My all time favorite to date it for that guy “Bruce” in New Orleans (Algiers Point) who’s wife ranted and raved on and on in the obit about how his firm was the reason for his death and so on and so forth.
I’ve also noticed more and more “interesting” nicknames being added to the obits here in the Big Easy lately……..some that I would never want to share with the world if they were my nicknames. I can’t help but wonder about how some of them wound up being called such stupid names. (Of course, I love it when my granddaughter calls me “Honey”!!)
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Best ways to have fun doing everything…..
even travel. List of fun things to do before we check-out or regain our youth….either one.
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Jill – we definitely need guidance on MENOPAUSE! I have been there, done that, and will tell you from experience that daily consumption of mass quantities of cheap Chardonnay and anti-depressants do NOT work. It’s a miracle I didn’t end up in prison or Whitfield before I finally did what Dr. Cindy Allen told me I needed to do and that was…GET ON HORMONES. (My teenage daughter suggested that for over a year before I finally decided to try them.) Hey, they worked, and I’m back to almost my young self…at least mentally. But, there are so many “issues” connected with this issue that only you will be able to properly address in writing to assist all the “older” girls who unfortunately are going through this….hell. No matter what subject you choose, I know it will be one that will be extremely enlightening and should bring you extra $$ for your plastic surgery fund. You know we all love you immensely <3 Cindy
April 3rd, 2009 at 5:59 am
MentalPause, most definately.
Just about the time I got all gussied up in my armour to fight (and WIN) the Battle of Menopause, I found out I had MS.(God really DOES have a great sense of humor, doesn’t he) So, now…not only am I a bitch….I’m a bitch who walks drunk w/o the benefit of good likker as an excuse !
But it DOES scare the bejeezuz out of my kids and husband, when they have tried my last nerve, and I give them the “glare” and quietly tell them with total conviction “I am fifty ? years old, in Menopause, and have MS….there isn’t a judge or jury in the entire nation that would convict me. “
April 3rd, 2009 at 6:58 am
Possible book titles,
“10 Good Reasons to Have a Lawyer on Retainer”
“101 Ways to Offend Anyone Without Even Trying”
“Speak Fluent ‘Bitch’ in Just Five Days”
The only recipes I know would be something by Uncle Ben or Aunt Jemima (would that be considered ‘Family Recipes’) or maybe in support of our military we could consult Captain Crunch or Colonel Sanders? Just a thought.
I don’t have menopause but jeez, if I did it sure would explain a few things.
If you write it Jill, we will surely read it.
Big Hugs from Mighty, Mighty Vixen in Richmond, Virginia
April 3rd, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Sassygrits: Bless your heart. And we all just thought we had it bad with the ‘mini-pause’; you’ve got a plate-ful and still retain your humor, I am truly in awe! Sorry. . . .one too many Crown (how appropriate for a ‘Queen’) and Diet Coke.
April 4th, 2009 at 6:48 am
How about dealing with bitchy women? I have a sister who loves to flirt with my husband. The less attention he pays to her, the more desperate she gets. How do you call people out for bad behavior in a humorous way?
April 4th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
I like the suggestion of a book that covers all our trials we are going through right now (we’re not getting any younger) or maybe “Old Farts Never Die, they just smell that way” With mini pause, whore moans, grown ass chilren and their baby chilren…not forgetting our aging parents….LAWD, we need a handbook!!!Please give us some queenly guidance before we see our names listed in our tiny hometown paper’s crime report!!
April 5th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Bless their hearts, some little Larva need a book on How to Bee-have (and what NOT to wear!) while pretending to be professional working women. Your little handbook oould become part of every company’s orientation class. Built-in revenue stream and opportunity to speak on the corporate circuit!
However,same could apply to some desperately divorced (aka ‘cougars’!) but that chapter may actually be better off in the Men-o-pause Guidebook (hey, I already purchased “Menopause for Dummies”, which it ain’t) I am actually loving certain aspects of the ‘passage’ … wisdom overflowing and “empower” surges, too boot!
HRH, good manners seem to have all but disappeared EXCEPT in the south! I concur with a universal need for a manual written by your hand!
April 5th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
OH BOW TO THE KWEEENN!! (Hic)………..’kay here I go…….How would you ‘splain being divorced for the first time for over 9 years and not finding someone PERMANENT??!! I do realize that that being single is NOT equivalent w/ being a Leper, but you know your ownself in this day and age, if you ain’t hooked-up after a couple years or so, you start to feel like yo’ Shelf Life has expired!! I’m laffing here, but seriously Daahleeenk, I have struggled w/ this as all my friends that have been divorced/single for some other reason are ALLLLLLLLLLLL hooked up w/ SOMEbody……….As I said Daaahleeenk, I DO realize it’s not all about laying next to someone……….but HEP a gurl already!!!
LOL do you ever feel like Jesus must have felt right in front of that crowd of 5000 or so, right before He got his mojo up for that miracle?? LOLLMFAO and all that………….
April 7th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Oh, please do a book on home purchase and decorating. I’m trying to get a loan for my first home at the end of the month, and I badly need a way to laugh at this.
Meanwhile, I had just finished the SPQ Field Guide to Men about a half hour before a function at which it was revealed that a certain man might have to be killed. I think that’s Fate. Said man had been very sweet to a friend, and there was a little making out done. Something in her refrained from making him an official fiancee. Well, turns out he has a wife and small child at home. (We’re deployed.) This was news to my friend. Since he is not worth killing, the new plan is to throw peanut butter toast on the roof of his trailer and let the crows wake him up each morning. Is that wrong? Because it feels pretty good.
April 8th, 2009 at 7:15 am
Jenny,
I have a staple gun and duct tape that you’re more than welcome to borrow. You might want to consider finding some road kill and tossing that under the trailer. If he’s gonna act like trash, he might as well smell like it.
Always happy to help a neighbor in need,
Maria
Mighty, Mighty Vixen
Richmond, VA
April 8th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I think an etiquette book is needed. I’m from Tennessee and am currently living in Minnesota, you would be amazed at what you see up here. They don’t have a clue!
But personally, I’m just thrilled there will be another book!
Amanda
April 9th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
I think a book on “legal revenge” would be very helpful. We all have a story about what we thought we woulda, coulda, shoulda,done to our no good … well you finish the sentance. Maybe we did and maybe we didn’t actually do the nasty, horrible, thing we wanted to do but we sure did want to at the time. I love the song about “…carving my name into his leather seats…” we could all identify with that one.
April 17th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Yea! Do an etiquette book!! Oh please please! (I can beg like a child; I am only 25). As a baby girl, I used to only check out library books about etiquette and Harriet Tubman. It would benefit the entire country if you would write about southern manners. Not to say that the rest of the nation is unmannerly, but we do have some particular quirks when this issue arises. It would be invaluable to ladies lucky enough to be engaged or married to one of our fine southern gentlemen. You seem to have a way with explaining some of the funny things we do.
April 18th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Hi Jill,
I have returned home to Vermont after attending my first SPQ Ball and the Million Queen March. As you would say, “it did not disappoint”. I was thrilled to see everyone and everything in person, and to actually get my picture taken with you at the SPQ Ball. I shared my pictures with my friends and family (I am constantly imploring them to read your books) and they were all jealous as you might imagine. I am in the process of recruiting my women friends and family for a return trip to Jackson for the next parade and ball. I will leave the husband home.
I want to suggest a book idea to you because I certainly hope there are more books coming. I have listened to all the books published so far about 5 or 6 times each. I like the audio book versions better because the flavor is so much more vivid with your voice – reading them (I do own paper copies of 4 of them) is not the same as listening to them for us Yankees. Whenever I take a long road trip I bring my CD case with all my SPQ books in it, and the miles just fly by without my even knowing it. Anyway, I think a book about all the words, phrases, etc. (kind of a dictionary/thesaurus but with stories of course) would be a great addition to my library of SPQ books. I imagine others would benefit also, as well as your own plastic surgery aspirations.
Thanks for adding so much humor and fun to my world.
Marilyn
April 19th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
If you do an Etiquette book please include proper ways to Pay-back a wrong doing without making anyone angry…and yes, I have an example.
My Bf Nova and I are well known as Fefe and Lola and are known for a few “pay-backs” we executed on people (men people) who didn’t give us what we wanted, when we wanted it…. (we were the only women on the board of our country club and had to make the spuds affraid of saying no to us somehow…)
Al was the Pres. elect and wouldn’t give us the okay on a few fixups that were needed to keep the club from not looking so much like a large Dairy Queen next to a trailer park. Al is known as a clean freak. he actually has 2 golf carts. One for rainy days and “the” one to show off.. It was Al’s birthday and with the help of his wife, Olive, who happens to be one of our evil minion, we were left “the” key to his garage where he kept “the” cart… Now Al is one of those guys that NEVER does or wears anything wild or that stands out so we decided to give him a present that took him WAY out of his comfort zone. We re-upholtered the cart in top of the line fuzzy Zebra, including the seats, stirring wheele covers and a key-ring that stated “old fart” which when pressed made a sound that matched. To top it all off and to let him know who and why someone would do such a thing, we added a giant, 20″X30″ tag that stated “From your gal pals, Fefe and Lola” …he never second thought any of our requests at the board meetins after that and actually fought for us on several occasions… Note of interest: he kept the zebra on “the” cart for the whole season.. Shell broken…respect gained. We LOVE him!!!!
April 19th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Oh and I do have pictures to share.
April 27th, 2009 at 8:27 am
I just got a moment to myself as I no more got back from parading in Jackson, when that husband of mine came down with not one, not two, but THREE hernias. Since you are offering advice, PLEASE include a chapter on how to deal with a sick man. If you have already covered this topic , please excuse my request, as my brain snapses are not firing as well as they used to, and I am tired from waiting on that man. I have had open-heart surgery myownself, but apparently it is nothing compared to this triple hernia operation. Mind you, I love this man, but I kept looking at him, sleeping there like a baby, and all I could think about was smothering him with a pillow. One more discussion about the size, quality and effort involved in the production of his bowel movements and I may have been pushed over the edge. Apparently, it is worse than child birth.
May 1st, 2009 at 4:38 pm
It’s not like husbands are all sympathy when WE’RE sick, either. When I was laid up with Crohn’s disease, I would’ve liked him to treat me like the delicate flower I am. Instead, he offers to buy me toilet paper. Practical, but not romantic.
When HE’S sick, he hibernates under the covers until he’s better. At least he doesn’t complain much, but he doesn’t shower either. It’s like sleeping with a bear.
I do wish you’d comment on how folks in TV and movies manage to look so good when they’re on their death beds. You see some woman with some horrible disease, and she looks like she just came from the beauty parlor. Meantime, I can have an attack of hay fever, and look like something the cat gacked up. Is that fair?
May 5th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
I know I’m just a larvae, but a lot of us 30-ish girls have fertility issues. We put off marriage while we had good times – er, got higer education at Ole Miss, and now babies ain’t coming as easily as they did to our friends in high school. I had eight girls in my senior class with babies, and I’ve had four friends my age to miscarry this year alone!
May 5th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Ummm, sorry to zip this in here but how about perimenopause? If it keeps up like it is, my poor hubby will not live till full blown menopause, LOL…though he might just kill hisownself to avoid my moods.
Also, husbands who act like they are 156 years old suddenly?
Male mid life crisis? Crisises? Crisy? I don’t know what the plural should be….
Pets? That is a bit of an outlier, but hey…so many of us have them, and even think of them as hairy kids.
June 21st, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Just keep em comin!!! Whatever you have a hankerin to wright bout, i’m gunna read it!!!
Thank yew SO MUCH for all your wisdom, wit, and luv that you shower us with!!! God Bless ya!
August 14th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
The female friendship!!! Different classifications of friends, pitfalls of friends, how to be a good friend, of course stories stories stories!! (things girls have done for entertainment, fights among friends, etc)