JELL-O & TATTOOS & STRIPPER POLES, OH MY!
Posted February 24th, 2009 by Jill Conner BrowneIf y’all don’t know it by now, you sure oughta–our whole Parade Weekend of Frivolous Festivities is dedicated to, of course, HAVING FUN of the BIGGEST KIND–but more important–it’s about RAISING MONEY AND AWARENESS FOR BLAIR E. BATSON CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL–the only hospital in the State of Mississippi where ANY CHILD can be treated, regardless of ability to pay. With that in mind, our motto is–ANY-THANG FOR THE CHIRREN and those by-words have led us down some pret-ty entertaining paths!
I have one of my famous BIG ASS CROWNS made especially for the weekend and we RAFFLE it off–so that EVERYBODY has a chance to win it. Of course, the more tickets you buy, the better your chance of winning…and ALL THE MONEY raised goes straight to BATSON–FOR THE CHIRREN. (If y’all are not from Around Here, translation: chirren=children–in y’allbonics) The BIG ASS CROWN is given away on Saturday night, at 9PM in PEARLS & PJ’S. You MUST BE PRESENT TO WIN–as in–you have to be IN THE ROOM when your number is called, we ain’t goin’ lookin’ for you in the bathroom–the drawing is at NINE so pee before or after that but if you miss it, YOU MISS IT, the end. AND FURTHERMORE, you must, upon hearing your winning number called, PUT ON A SUITABLY ENTHUSIASTIC DISPLAY OF ECSTASY AT HAVING JUST WON THIS BIG ASS CROWN or the crowd will turn on you, take your ticket, tear it up and demand a redraw. WE WANT AN EXCITED WINNER so be practicing up!
Besides the Big Ass Crown Giveaway, we have a few other Entertaining Fundraising Opportunities: Jell-O Wrasslin’, for example! NO–we do NOT ACTUALLY WRASSLE. WE get IN the Jell-O and for a small donation to BATSON, YOU MAY JOIN US IN THE JELL-O for a spectacular PHOTO OP–talk about a treasured picture–one to blow up and hang over your mantle for sure and of course, it will be the PERFECT Christmas card–AND ALL FOR THE CHIRREN! Our O-fficial Photog Duane will be taking professional photos all weekend (meaning, he’s SOBER and won’t take photos of his thumbs and the photos won’t be of your feet and all blurry because he’s about to fall over)–he posts them every evening in the hallway so you can pick the ones you want and order them. He does it really cheap AND he donates 20% of all sales to BATSON-so YAY! We also have JELL-O WRASSLIN’ T-SHIRTS–that are hilarious, in my opinion.
And this year, we have TWO NEW AND SURE-TO-BE BIG FUN ADDITIONS to the INSANITY: I’m sure y’all all saw the episode of LA INK–where the woman got a GENUINE SPQ TATTOO–well, since then, we have had umpteen requests from other Queens wanting permission to get the same tatt. So FINE, in keeping with our strict policy of ANY-THANG FOR THE CHIRREN, we will have TEMPORARY TATTS for sale in the SPQ STORE at the Hilton–for $1–and, HERE’S THE GOOD PART–THE CUTEST BOY IN THE WORLD AND/OR KILTBOY (aka Randall Wallace, the writer of BRAVEHEART, WE WERE SOLDIERS, MAN IN THE IRON MASK and PEARL HARBOR)–will INSTALL your tattoo for you. (The customary location for said installation is the UPPER portion of the left breast–please note EMPHASIS ON THE WORD UPPER here.) Our two favorite SPUD STUDS will be armed all weekend with wet cloths with which to facilitate the transfer of the tatt to the titty, as it were, so you can stop ‘em most any time and demand to be tatted on the spot. We will also have them nailed down in the hall outside Pearls and Pj’s for several hours so it will be easy for you to find ‘em and get your tatts installed. REMEMBER–IT’S FOR THE CHIRREN–so MULTIPLE TATTING IS ENCOURAGED. Also remember, THE CUTEST BOY IN THE WORLD IS MY OWN PERSONAL HUSBAND AND DO NOT THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT I WILL NOT BE WATCHING Y’ALL! It would be fun to see just HOW MANY TATTOOS WILL FIT ON A QUEEN THOUGH, WOULDN’T IT? Maybe another contest here? Most Tatted Queen? I’ll think of a suitable and highly desirable prize! Whee! MORE FUN!
After several years of watching y’all fight over turns on the stripper pole at the SPQ BALL at Hal & Mal’s on Friday night–we decided that here was yet another opportunity for us to DO SOMETHIN’ FOR THE CHIRREN. The HILTON has already proven that they are INSANE–since THEY sponsor the DOOR DECORATION CONTEST (they budget EVERY YEAR to repaint EVERY DOOR in the hotel after our weekend!)–so don’t forget to really DO UP YOUR DOOR–there’s A PRIZE! Then last year, we talked ‘em into the Jell-O Wrasslin’ thing–and THIS YEAR, WE TALKED ‘EM INTO PUTTING A STRIPPER POLE IN THE LOBBY OF THE HILTON! YOWZA! They WILL do ANY-THANG for US and we love ‘em for it! SO, we will have our very own STRIPPER POLE FOR THE CHIRREN and there will be a 25cent fee per pole appearance. We’ll have a “tip jar” by the pole and you puts your quarter in before you perform. Realizing the extreme popularity of Pole Dancing, and wanting to help you avoid the necessity of carrying around a big sack of quarters all weekend, which would admittedly be cumbersome at best–you will be able to purchase, in the SPQ STORE at the Hilton, a WEEKEND POLE PASS for $5 (all going to BATSON, of course) and with this Pass, you will be entitled to UNLIMITED passes at the Pole. It does NOT, however, mean that you can CAMP OUT ON THE POLE all night long–you must take a turn, and allow others to also take their turns. We are QUEENS, after all–and we must remember that at all times.
DON’T FORGET TO PRACTICE YOUR SONGS FOR KARAOKE! Happens at Pearls & PJ’s–but in a separate room from the Bouffants–who I am SURE would LOVE to have you join their band, if only they heard how FABULOUS you are. I bet they are already planning to add “BRANDY, YOU’RE A FINE GIRL” to their song list, even…
37 Responses to “JELL-O & TATTOOS & STRIPPER POLES, OH MY!”
February 24th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
when you hear Brandy you’re a fine girl sung by you know who, you are going to wish you had never ever THOUGHT about adding it to the play list. HHAHHAHAHAA!! Oh my God, she sucks, but she doesn’t have a CLUE!!
February 24th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Jell-O, Tattoos, & Stripper Poles… OH MY… it sure sounds like WE are gonna have a MIGHTY FINE TIME! Yes-In-deedy!
February 24th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Lorda mercy! Can you believe the lengths the Hilton will go to for us? They’ve GOT to have a helluva sense of humor for all of this! Wonder why KiltBoy and Baddog are so willing to help out?????????????
February 24th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Well, you know, I think it’s just the Boy Scout in ‘em–they are just COMPELLED to help out. Givers–that’s what they are–a coupla GIVERS. MJ–we need to hook Feef up with Melanie–who also “loves to sing”–she, unfortunately, does not know any WORDS–she also loves to play the drums–and no part of that makes any sense! Sounds like a PERFECT DUET!
February 24th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
I am excellent at the “air” keyboard.
February 24th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Baddog and I are philanthropists, ya see. We just GIVE and GIVE–’specially when it comes to installing tattoos on Queens. And forget all that about we cloths…for additional donations we will use our tongues.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
KILTBOY!!!
I don’t need to bring extra pjs this year, do I?
February 24th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Ok, no free lickin’-this is a FUNDraiser for the CHIRREN here, you make sure you get the money IN ADVANCE, Kiltboy–these women, although they certainly appear to be scarcely out of their teens, I can assure you, they WERE NOT born YESTERDAY. Also, let it be known that while Kiltboy is a totally Free Agent and as such, may negotiate his own deals however, where The Cutest Boy in the World is involved and the question of modus operandi is raised–let’s just say anything other than a wet rag will require a donation–in CASH–of an absolutely STAGGERING sum. If you want to build a NEW WING onto Batson, for instance, for that, I would CONSIDER letting him lick something like your ARM.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Of course Kiltboy and I will do what we can for the Children. The Queen, has cautioned ME, however, about using MY tongue for or on anything that didn’t result in Massive Amounts of Money for the Children but did say that Kiltboy was pretty much free to do whatever with his own personal tongue for any amount he could command.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
pssssttttt kyle, come here little boy
February 24th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
This will be fun to see.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
Okay, if the words “stripper pole at the Hilton” don’t whip the Queendom into a downright spending frenzie, this whole Tattooing-Tits-By-Tongue idea might just do the trick. Talk about stimulating… ahem, the economy.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
P.S. Hey, Kiltboy! Can’t wait to see you!
February 25th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Kimmy–I think you need to report on the phone call you got yesterday from SPQHQ!
February 25th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Hilton Room…..check
Parade Pass…..check
Brunch Ticket….check
Luncheon Ticket….check
Outfits…..check
$ for tattoo lick from Kiltboy……PRICELESS!
Now, Kimmy get over here and splain about that phone call.
February 25th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Yes, where IS KimmyD??
February 25th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Well, one of the benefits of being Jill’s Favorite is that I get better SPQ Customer Service than everybody else does. Yesterday was no exception. I placed my order for my Parade Pass and Brunch Ticket on the SPQ store, but I got a voice mail message a little while later from HQ, letting me know of what must have been an oversight on my part.
It seems that I had neglected to include a Tattoo Installation with my order, so I was to call HQ right away to remedy that. And “ask for Kyle.”
When I spoke to this Kyle person, who was very nice and professional– Jill, kudos and thanks for having such good Customer Service for me– I explained to him that, while I certainly appreciated his attention to my personal details, it had not been an oversight at all, in fact, but an act of Self Preservation. “You see,” I explained, “I could not possibly, in good conscience, add a Tattoo Installation to my order using Brian’s credit card, because that would show INTENT to have said tattoo(s) installed, which would just not be a good idea. Any tattooing must SEEM as if done on a whim. No premeditation whatsoever. So I must decline a Tattoo Installation Purchase at this time.” He was very understanding, and agreed that it was probably a wise choice.
And that was that.
tee hee
I do love being The Favorite.
February 25th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Soo much fun for just 4 days!!
February 25th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
That’s why you CAIN’T MISS IT–’cause then you have to WAIT another WHOLE YEAR for another chance!
February 25th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Missing it sucks HARD. You don’t realize how much you NEED Jackson until you can’t be there.
Come hell or high water, I will never miss it again!
February 25th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
A stripper poll is always tons of fun until somebody breaks a hip.
February 26th, 2009 at 12:39 am
Is the stripper pole gonna be hot pank???
February 26th, 2009 at 5:17 am
I just had what I believe is a GREAT IDEA–it will HELP THE CHIRREN AND AT THE SAME TIME, HELP LOCATE MARTHA JEAN’S MISSING GROOVE! I couldn’t help but think that maybe–just MAY-BE–gettin’ a titty-tat from TCBITW and/or Kiltboy might perk MJ up enough to attract her groove back into the vicinity. And if ONE tattoo would help–THEN HOW MUCH MORE WOULD A WHOLE BIG PILE OF ‘EM HELP HER?! YES! I WANT EVERYBODY TO BUY AT LEAST ONE TATTOO (they’re a buck, big deal) TO PUT ON MARTHA JEAN!
HOW MANY TATTOOS WILL IT TAKE TO COVER MARTHA JEAN AND BRING HER GROOVE BACK FOREVER AND EVER? And that right there is something ELSE we can do to HELP THE CHIRREN–we can GUESS how many tattoos it will take–kinda like a fantasy football league only no football or football players, just MJ and a bunch of tattoos–but HEY FUN–RIGHT?!
February 26th, 2009 at 7:11 am
I am all about some Kiltboy tongue-applied tatooing! I am never going to be able to concentrate on working today! Come on March 19th!!!
February 26th, 2009 at 7:17 am
I only got in 24 hours with Pyreaux for my first parade weekend last year (we’re fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants like that you know) but I’ll be damned if I won’t be there for the whole shebang this year!
February 26th, 2009 at 10:51 am
I guess they need to do some tongue trainin in the meantime!
February 26th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Oh, and KimmyD – since WHEN did YOU decide that you’re they’re favorite?! Harumph!!
February 26th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Helloooo? Didn’t you read Big Ass? Open your book and turn to page 70. I didn’t decide. JILL DID!
=p
February 26th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Yea, makes us sad… but KimmyDarling is her favorite. But some of us are working REAL HARD to come in close 2nd, 3rd, etc.
March 1st, 2009 at 9:39 am
I think she just SAID that to make your recipe sound better. Bitch (I’m just sayin)
March 1st, 2009 at 11:45 am
LMFAO
Yeah, ’cause “Heaven On A Cracker” didn’t sound good at ALL!
March 1st, 2009 at 8:53 pm
I am thinking that we may have to take this KimmyD/Khaki feud into the JELL-O–that’s what I’m thinking!
March 2nd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Jill I appreciate all the weekends you’ve allowed us to join in the fun and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Having said that, I have mixed feelings about a stripper pole being a highlighted event. With all due respect, the feel of the weekend seems to be drifting away from female friendships and solidarity into ‘meat market’ territory.
March 4th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Kim–Have you not been to the Ball at Hal & Mal’s and seen ALL the women–and GUYS–playing on the pole? Even AUNT FAYE–who will be 96 this year–takes her turn on the pole. It’s all in fun–there is no stripping, after all–it’s just dancing and acting stupid–just like everything else we do. And, if you were there last year, the “Jell-O Wrasslin” is just a goofy photo op–in Jell-O–there is no wrasslin’ involved. Are you coming this year?
March 4th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
The theme is Frivolity. One of the 1,000 great things about Jackson is everyone can choose what they what to participate in or not. Most folks just want to laugh and have fun. Hope to see you in Jackson, Kim.
March 5th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Now, I am all for some tattooing by some fine men! Kiltboy, you can put my tattoo wherever ya want!
I am hoping not to injury anything this year so I can get into the jello with all y’all! My pole dancing buddy, Prissymae, better be all healed up or taped up and ready to go! It’s Jackson Time!
March 23rd, 2009 at 8:03 am
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. It’s realy over. I miss everyone already.