URGENT–PLEASE HELP–MISSING GROOVE
Posted February 11th, 2009 by Jill Conner BrowneOne of our Most Valued SPQ Wannabe’s seems to have lost her groove. We are attempting to have it plastered on milk cartons and a reward will most likely be offered–along the lines of a bottle of Barefoot and a pan of Chocolate Stuff–but we REEEEALLY need to find this groove! It’s almost Parade Time and we need EVERYBODY to be in possession and full control of their groove–we can’t have any runaway grooves out there loose, no telling what havoc they might wreak on the city and its more innocent citizens. Please help us find MARTHA JEAN’S GROOVE–if you have seen it or have any knowledge of its whereabouts–please contact us at once! All groove sightings can be posted here and we will pursue all leads. Also, if you have lost your own groove or know of other missing grooves, please notify us at once–this could be an epidemic or they could be forming a groove gang–in any event–the sooner we know what we’re dealing with, the better.
69 Responses to “URGENT–PLEASE HELP–MISSING GROOVE”
February 11th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
I do believe it is an Epidomic!!! It has to do with the Economy and us not being able to buy gobs of
make-up and hair things anymore. Hopefully, this too shall pass and we can get back to our Glory Back!
February 11th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Lord help us it is an epidemic!!! I have lost my groove too…. well im here to tell you it is definately NOT in New Mexico…. I will look out for ya’lls if ya’ll look out for mine! God Bless the Sweet Potato Queen!
February 11th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
A twister passed through Oklahoma last night, could that have been the missing groove?????
February 11th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I am nearly certain that if Martha Jean indulges herself in the wonder know as a hot stone massage..followed by a big ole piece of red meat, some chocolate, and some wine..her groove will miraculously reappear….I promise!
February 11th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
after a long 6 months spent wandering in darkness, i’m back into my groove (as opposed to a RUT), and seeing Jill on her book tour got my butt kicked into gear! true dat!
sometimes you just have to suffer to make sure you appreciate sunshine and dandelions.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
The only groove I have is that space on my backside that my underwear gets bunched up in. Lots of stuff has gone missing in that groove over the years.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
HHHAHHHAHHHAAA!! I can PROMISE you, I will get my groove back again!!! I have more people looking for that groove than GOD CAN SAY GRACE OVER!!
We will certainly find it, and it’s going to be so much fun lookin’ for it!!!
p.s. fifi mitchell has space in her underwear because she has lost so much weight, she doesn’t have an ass anymore and we all are going to kill her in March for that very reason.
February 12th, 2009 at 6:10 am
My groove has been usurped by teenagers, which is a fucking shame since they have their own grooves and have no reason to suck away mine! Oh. And Comcast. But I’m ready to just kick my groove back out of them.
However, I can not and will not believe that Martha Jean has lost her bygawd groove. She’s fullashit. However, I promise to check the roads of Jackson today. Just in case.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:29 am
The last reported sighting of Martha Jean’s Groove was in Australia where that sweet man was photographed giving his water bottle to that little koala–what a sweet sight. And then, out of nowhere, the Groove ran up, all singed and frazzled, according to witnesses, snatched the water bottle out of the poor little thirsty koala’s hand, and took a big swig–only to make the horrifying discovery that it was merely WATER and NOT VODKA, whereupon the Groove flung the offending bottle back at the koala, nearly knocking him over, and flouncing off in one of its well-known Huffs, declaring, “WHO YOU GOTTA BLOW TO GET A REAL DRANK AROUND HERE?!”
The Groove has not been seen since but I’m sure it will turn up somewhere soon–wherever there is havoc and mayhem–and an open bar.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:05 am
From the sound of the above post, it seems that you should probably look for the missing groove in Cognac, France. That is where GG Vodka is manufactured.
If “I” were a groove, on the run, angry, and in dire need of a drank, I can’t think of a better place to hunker down & wait it out than one named Cognac, in FRANCE, that had a warehouse of Grey Goose.
I mean, c’mon y’all, let’s be detectivish about this.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:11 am
OR the Groove could be in California–sucking down all the BAREFOOT WINE intended for give-away at the Million Queen March–it is known to be uncommonly selfish where alkyhall is concerned–it would not care one bit if it was depriving all of US of our rightful share of the BAREFOOT!
February 12th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Is CERTAIN it’s an epidemic…I have lost my own groove and have been searchin FEVERISHLY to find it.
February 12th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I think I saw Martha Jean’s Groove at Tootsie’s in Nashville. A martini in one hand and a cigarette in the other. If it WAS MJ’s Groove, it was talking to a tall cowboy in Wranglers about Delbert.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:20 am
If it was in Nashville, it was prolly out LOOKING for DELBERT–it cannot stay away from him. It’s been suggested that perhaps the Groove has returned to the Grove at Ole Miss–it’s favorite place in the world, except for wherever Delbert is–so I’m asking my daughter to run by there and look. It should be easy to spot if it’s there since no tents are set up this time of year–it’ll just be passed out underneath the trees–waiting til sundown or whenever the bars open–unless somebody’s got mimosas going at a brunch nearby.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Have you checked Ebay?
February 12th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Is this it: http://cgi.ebay.com/Group-of-6-SHAKE-YOUR-GROOVE-THING-Dance-Costume-AdultM_W0QQitemZ200301344909QQihZ010QQcategoryZ53369QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
February 12th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Oh, LAWD–do your reckon somebody coulda got holda the Groove and is attempting to sell it for ransom on E-BAY?? I don’t E-Bay–somebody’s got to go look and see!
February 12th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Whoops! I was lookin’ under “groove thing” not “groove thang”. (Can’t help it — I was born a Yankee…) But, them drag queens on Ebay are downright vicious when they have got something good somebody else wants. Wouldn’t put nothin’ past ‘em. They’d probably trade it for something nice and sparkly — I am thinkin’ HRH Jill’s tiara.
February 12th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Well, they can FERGIT my big ass crowns–they can KEEP the Groove if they’ve got it–I ain’t givin’ up a single rhinestone to bail it out! It ran off of its own accord–I’ll look for it–but no bail money will I put up!
February 12th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Whoo-doggies! Did you hear that: Our Boss HRH ain’t negotiating with NOBODY! The war on terror is about to get ugly…
February 12th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
OH NO, Let me handle this… I will make it my personal quest to corral MJ AND her Groove and have them back in sync come parade time…
February 12th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
It’s on Ebay now!!! BAWAHAHAHA!!!!
$2500 Buy it now!!
And no I didn’t put it there.
February 12th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Scott–You are TOO good! And by “corral” I assume you mean, rope and hog-tie? Then throw it in the back of your truck and haul it down here? Put a tarp on it, don’t want it gettin’ rained on or nothin’–be like a wet dog, I imagine.
February 12th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Martha Jean’s Groove is still on the lam… it’s rumored to have blown threw Ohio last evening. It was seen at one of the Kent State bars telling those kids “a thing or two” and it’s parting words were… “that’s it… that’s the list.” It was heading east towards PA. At the rate of speed it was going; Lawd knows where it could be by now!
February 12th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
WE had like, 50 mph winds ALL DAY yesterday–I bet it was that dang groove!
February 12th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Well, shoot, it was pulled off Ebay.
I predict Martha Jean will get her groove back when she goes to Tuscaloosa to see/hear Kacey Jones!!
February 12th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Jill’s daughter is such a fine one– she has promised to look in all the bars in Oxford, Mississippi after she leaves the Grove. Unfortunately all the bars that I was a fixture in approximately 100 years ago are closed, and said Groove won’t be able to find its own ass with both hands in nuOxford.
Delbert would be CRUSHED to know that it is lost, but I’m seeing him in April and will tell him it WAS missing, but surely to Gawd we will have found it by then
February 12th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
A.) My Baby Girl will just want the groove to buy the dranks–she prolly won’t even report having found it until it runs outta money or its credit card gets declined.
B.) Perhaps DELBERT is holding the groove hostage–if he found out you went on SOMEBODY ELSE’S CRUISE…I’m just sayin’..
February 12th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
I wouldn’t mind findin’ hers, mine, or anybody else’s groove for that matter of fact. It has fallen and it can’t get up!LOL!!!
February 12th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Are you coming to the Parade, hunny? We’ll find you a groove, don’t you worry! At this rate, we’re gonna be STOCKIN’ ‘EM in the SPQ STORE!
February 13th, 2009 at 2:13 am
Well, I Had been thinkin maybe the groove was at the grove, as far back as I can remember yall, mine liked it there…but as yall say, it IS THE nuOXFORD!
And I thought of those high winds and all..so I am wondering if that groove might have just taken itself down on that highway 61, and lord have mercy, that is worrying me, the music is good and the food is good, but that devil crossroads down there might put mojo in the groove and it mightn ever return to MJ! But then..there is always a but…Mr. Morgan Freeman is down that way and he is a real gentleman, I have met him and I am sure, he will send MJ’s groove on home to her, as he likes to keep thangs peaceful down there with his blues club and all.
February 13th, 2009 at 7:50 am
I have met Mr. Freeman and I think I can make a pretty fair assessment of the what the situation would be, should he encounter the groove: He will pounce on it and do everything in his power to KEEP IT for hisownself forever and ever amen. We MUST, at all costs, KEEP THE GROOVE AWAY FROM MORGAN FREEMAN if there is to be ANY HOPE of returning it to Martha Jean. So if you see the groove ANYWHERE on Hwy 61, SHOO IT SOUTH–tell it the Delta has gone DRY (as in “no more likker)–it’ll FLY away, at warp speed.
February 13th, 2009 at 8:11 am
I guarantee……the quickest way to find MJ’s groove is to bring a bottle of Grey Goose, a pitcher of grapefruit juice, and then replay the Cotton Bowl, with Delbert doing the halftime show. Her groove will appear in 2.46 nano seconds.
February 13th, 2009 at 8:30 am
MJ’s Groove has been spotted in Pontchatoula, LA carrying a flat of strawberries and a bushel of peppers………………It’s going to be a TASTE explosion.
February 13th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Oh GAWD–it’s not the GROOVE that makes the PEPPER JELLY is it? We are so screwed if it is! EVEN MORE URGENT THAT WE FIND THIS GROOVE THAT HAS R-U-N-N-O-F-F-T.
February 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Hey we VERY DEFINITELY have the groove over here in the jungles of Indonesia. Dancing, practicing, plotting and planning, we can hardly wait!! We need our groove to help change happen. See y’all real soon!!
We are dancing to Johnny & June Carter Cash right now cuz’ “we’re goin’ to Jackson, look out Jackson town!!!”
February 13th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
The groove has blown out of West Point, MS . I think it may be throwing Moon pies in Mobile. Have to find the groove and holding on tight during the SPQ parade. I know it will be a bumpy ride. Dear Gawd how can we parade without it!!!
February 13th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
GOLDDUST–Do you think what you are dealing with is your OWN groove or is it possible that Martha Jean’s Groove has stowed away on a ship and made it all the way over yonder? Since you have not been overpowered by an urge to dance ONLY to DELBERT MCCLINTON, I’m thinking you may be enjoying YOUR OWN groove–which is a good thing. Just be on the lookout for the MJGroove–you don’t wanna wind up in the pokey when it’s time to head to Jackson! It is a highly volatile groove and should be considered armed (with alkyhall and other weapons of mass destruction) and dangerous.
February 13th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
I know for a FACT that “The Groove” is drankin’ wine with ME right now and GAWD HEP US ALL!
We are goin’ to The 930 Blues Cafe and y’all KNOW I ain’t gonna be able to keep my eyeballs on “The Groove” down there……………
February 13th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I have got to say this, even though I swore I’d never admit it to nobody. I ain’t NEVER had no groove thing, thang or otherwise. It is all I can do to stay upright and walk without spillin’ my drink. I may be the whitest woman in the world. I can sing like a bird, draw like Picasso, I can even breathe fire, but I do not have no groove. I am just here to say, for Martha Jean and anybody else who may have lost nor never had no groove that there ain’t no shame in it. Now, I gotta’ go blow my nose. I am startin’ to tear-up…I think I got something in my eye…
February 14th, 2009 at 8:40 am
Hunny, Ever-body’s groove is different. I guarantee you, Martha Jean’s Groove is gonna be wantin’ FIREBREATHIN’ lessons from your groove!
PrissyMae–did you let the groove get loose in downtown Jackson? and you gave it WINE first? I swear, you suck as a babysitter.
February 14th, 2009 at 10:43 am
I am forever-klempt I am so honored at THE VERY IDEA that queenly sisters are even LOOKING IN INDONESIA for the missing groove!! I am without speech. Hey, if you find it, find out how the hell it got there. The groove never has been able to find shit on a map, much less a WORLD MAP.
Thanks for all your help- you will be thanked in USA TODAY at the appropriate time, whenever that is.
February 14th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I’m sure it stowed away on a bus, thinking it was going to INDIANOLA (Ms.)–for some blues and pecan pie and somehow ended up in a shipload of containers that took it to INDO-NESIA. It never could read words much better than a map.
February 15th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Well, I have been searching for it high and low in ALL the bars in Atlanta! And although I’ve been enticing it with vodky, sometimes the drinks dissappear before any groove arrives!
February 15th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Well, THERE’S your problem, Khaki! It needs big FULL BOTTLES and brimming, chilled glasses of lik-wid refreshmints waitin’ for it to LURE it out. It ain’t showin’ up when the Party’s OVER! It’s like leaving cookies out for Santa! You gotta leave ‘em–and he’ll come!
February 15th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I am – Hand To Gawd – the WORST babysitter on the face of the earth. I let The Groove drank red wine & took it dancin’.
I had my EYES on The Groove & let it loose. Didn’t take but a minute either. I ASKED the Bald Dude to watch The Groove since I HAD to have a potty break – he said he turned his beer bottle up and BAM! The Groove was history.
No Telling where The Groove has gone to now………..
February 15th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Oh for Lard’s Sake. The groove MAY be on its way home. The fabulous Queen Fifi said that all it would take is a martini and a replay of the Texas Tech-OLE MISS COTTON BOWL with DELBERT SINGING AT HALFTIME. (WE won, btw, in case you didn’t hear….)
Whailp, Cheryl and Fred have a dvd with no commercials of said ballgame. They are coming tomorrow. The groove may not be here yet, but it’s on its way. Later, Taters…
That bitch….
February 15th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Then tommorrow, we’ll flick our bics, kneel down and raise our eyes to the sky and say “Alleuia” the prodigal groove has returned to “her momma”. Then let the party begin…. with EVERYBODY drinkin martinis and groovin to Delbert. NOT !!!!!
February 16th, 2009 at 5:39 am
Have you thought about tricking MJ’s Groove? Maybe try ignoring it & talking real quiet about it. Then when it sneaks up to try to hear what you are saying you can grab it. Have a bottle of it’s very favorite vodka nearby & talk about how a new groove is in town that MJ wants to hook up with. It’s kind of like the “Treat Em Like Shit” thing. Just for good measure, have someone bring some nice sparkly jewry for MJ with a note from a secret admirer. Jealously is a powerful weapon.
February 16th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Well, I have to save up my energy to do my carousing, but i have friends who still do(and Gawd knows an ex husband who was a master at it and probley knows but i will not ask him unless yall think it is a true emergency like the day before the activities start).. and they have been lookin all over for MJ’s groove up here in Memphis and the surrounding North Mississippi motherland area to no avail. So as a nurse, I would like to tell MJ..there is some harmoan creme she can get and i won’t go into details..but it will have her groove back and have her chasing cars at parade time, if you know what i mean..
February 16th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
PS to HRH Jill’s response re: Mr. Morgan Freeman:
You are right your majesty. How could i forget about Mr. Morgan Freeman’s recent, er….paramour and subsequent devorce…he probably needs some extrey groove for that younger woman…i hope that groove did not go to the Delta..
February 16th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
I think if Mr. Freeman is successful in capturing MJs Groove, he will run off with IT and forget all ABOUT any other woman. The Groove will be all he can handle and then some–and I’m sure the Groove is a HARSH MISTRESS that tolerates NO OTHER WIMMIN in its vicinity. And it doesn’t like you to TALK when the GAME is on either.
February 16th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
To be truthful, can any of us TRULY handle martha jeans groove if we catch it/ see it/ feel it?
I mean. REALLY?
February 17th, 2009 at 12:08 am
ACTUALLY, Pippa…..I don’t think I can even find it myself. BUT we WILL find it, and Jill, it will not be in the Delta for sure. The groove is from North Mississipi- you know all those little shitty towns.
Is the groove in Thrasher, Jumpertown, New Site or Marietta?? maybe Booneville???
February 17th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Oh, LAWD–WHAT IF the groove has r-u-n-n-o-f-t to BALDWYN or…GUNTOWN? We will be too ashamed to claim it when it returns!
February 17th, 2009 at 10:13 am
No offense, MJ, but if I should run across Delbert McClinton in searching for your groove, the search will be abandoned.
February 17th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
WWTB–You are SUCH a little SLUT! Of course, that is one of your more endearing qualities and what you have in common with US!
February 18th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
My great grandma came from Guntown and she had a groove and 13 kids to prove it. My daddy had land in Baldwyn and Booneville and I never saw anything there groove wise, when we had to go check on the cattle.
I am wandering..why more of us are not concerned about the MJ’s groove..guess they are busy with their own..mine is kind of missin too..it pops up once in a while..sort of raises its ugly head..but i don’t act on it much.though it used to show me a real fine time…if we find MJ’s…will it be like Peter Pan’s Shadow, do you think?
February 19th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Well, I am in a groove prediciment myself…all my sister queen have backed on me….They are bringing my groove down!!….So now the question is, should I go to Jackson by my little Queenly self?
February 19th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Hell yes, April!!!
February 20th, 2009 at 8:26 am
April, leaves more drank for you!
February 20th, 2009 at 11:06 am
April — You look for HRH Phyllis and me, Boss Queen (I do love that!) HRH JoJo, we are “The Bombshell Queens”. There are only two of us and we we’d be more than happy to have you march and otherwise hang-out with with us. Just look me up on the “Chapters” page under Newnan, Georgia and shoot me an email. I am certain your royal fabulousness, not to mention your groove, is needed in Jackson!!! We will take lots of pictures and make those queens who backed out on you soooooo…. sorrry!!!
February 21st, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Absolutely come by yourself. You will be alone for about…..5 seconds.
February 21st, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Queen April… Yes come, with or without’em! My first year I had to go all by myownself & I had the time of my life. Was welcomed by all, and didn’t want to return home! I’ll be there this year too so make sure you say HEY and introduce yourself, K?
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 am
OK then, I kept my reservationso I’ll be there!! BIG Thanks to you ALL!!! Can’t wait to see all my loyal sister Queens!!!
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:38 pm
April, girl, you better get there! I meanit, like Viney said, you will be by yourself for about 5 seconds, then after about two days, you are going to wish you were wherever the groove has been, because we will have found the bitch by then.
February 25th, 2009 at 4:09 am
MJ, IF I FIND YOUR GROOVE, I’M KEEPIN IT. I WILL TRADE IT FOR YOUR BIGGEST DIAMOND
XOXOX
Maggie
February 25th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
I think I found the missing groove! It was sighted in New Orleans for Mardi Gras…OOPS, there it goes! Headed East.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:06 am
Phyllis & JoJo I tried to email you but it won’t go through…… Thanks for the invite to hang out with you. I may just take you up on that!! You may have seen me before, we are the Prisoners of the Promise, we wear Jail bird suits. Let me know what your schedule is. I should be arriving that Thursday afternoon.