you go shopping for work clothes but come home with nothing but sequins and feathers!
Now you complete that sentence! What are some tell-tale Signs of Queenliness? How can other people identify you as a Queen? How do you spot Kindred Queenly Spirits?

Post your responses on here. All responses will be given a number. At the end of next week–Friday, June 4–THE EVIL HENCHMAN will draw a number and the Queen whose post appeared with that number will WIN A PAIR OF SPQ SHADES AND A TIARA! Wearing those tells the world YOU ARE A TRUE QUEEN!

Filed under:General

138 Responses to “YOU MIGHT BE A QUEEN IF…”

  • Rainey Talbot Says:

    ….. if you own more tiaras than bras!

  • Regina Monologue Says:

    …people can’t help but prostrate themselves everywhere you go.

  • Jill Conner Browne Says:

    BWAHAHA! Two excellent indicators for sure–and I DO have more tiaras than bras!

  • KimmyDarling Says:

    … one of the places in the world where you are your happiest self is Jackson, Mississippi.

  • Heather Says:

    … stilettos aren’t just fashion accessories, but deadly weapons.

  • Maureen Smith Says:

    …you can never take a picture without giving a Queenly wave.

  • Elizabeth Says:

    …you have, at one time or another, blessed the heart of every slut, tramp, igmo and jackass in the Southern United States.

  • Jennifer Erdosy Says:

    you’re proud of your age but lie about it anyway.

  • AKM Says:

    …you know the four main food groups are sweet, salty, fried, and au gratin!

  • Cheryl Says:

    …large groups of people part ways like the nile river when you need to walk thru the crowd.

  • Vee R. Says:

    …you are exuberant in your play, particular in your choices and generous with your kindnesses.

  • Kathy G Says:

    You are your own woman!!!

  • Queen New Wave Says:

    You spend hours online looking for the perfect wig in the right shade of pink!

  • Toni Says:

    people cannot help but notice your regal bearing

  • Janis Vance Says:


  • Lisa Lovelace Says:

    you are WAY past the Larva stage, going through hot flashes and night sweats, and still feel regal yourownself!

  • Candalicious Says:

    …you have a crush on Sam Moon.

  • Jill Conner Browne Says:

    I am CRYING, I’m laughing so hard at these! CLEARLY, y’all are Queens! You can certainly post more than one thing, too–keep ‘em coming–you never know, what you say may help some poor soul out there somewhere struggling with her identity! She might read what YOU wrote and go,”OH! So THAT’S the deal–I’M A QUEEN–NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!” What a great relief to her–and what a blessing to you to have been of such an important service to your Sister!

  • Psycho Cupcake Says:

    if you can make a group of woman look like a pig pen at slop time just by making a batch of pig candy.

  • Helen Bedd Says:

    … if you can’t sleep in a water bed because your tiara keeps polin’ holes in the damn thing.

  • Helen Bedd Says:

    Of course I mean “pokin’”

  • Darlin HPH Says:

    Lollin just comes naturally.

  • becky Says:

    You’ve had to re-virginate at least once.

  • SpudStudScott Says:

    if you have men willing to travel hundreds of miles to bring you aigs and other food offerings for your gastronomic pleasure

  • Darlin HPH Says:

    the size of yer tiara is only outmatched by the size of yer heart.

  • SpudStudScott Says:

    I should have said EAGER and WILLING

  • Queen Molly Says:

    When your inside beauty shines right on through to the outside. That’s a Queen for you!

  • Queen Molly Says:

    When you are a magnet for all kinds of chirren, young or otherwise!

  • Sheila F. Says:

    You insist that instead of your kids calling you Mom they call you “Your Highness”

  • Queen Marie-ahhh Says:

    you wear a tiara and a sasha on a airplane just to get free drinks…..

  • Cathy Says:

    You go shopping for work out shoes and come home with sparkly silver shoes like these:

  • Sarah Weeks Says:

    You have not only clearly understood the definition of, but have been able to point out and AVOID “trash” since the age of three. (thanks in no small part to your mama ‘n ‘em who raised you right!)

  • Melanie Says:

    You have reached the age when you appreciate not doing jackshit!

  • VickyInStLouis Says:

    When you can’t find your potting trowel, you know it’s ok to grab the Kirk Stieff Repousse Casserole Spoon from the sterling silver set your Arrière-Arrière Grand-Mère rescued by damn Yankees in the aftermath of the War of Northern Agression. Go ahead, she’d understand …

  • Connie in Harpers Ferry Says:

    You no longer have birthdays, but celebrate the anniversary of your 21st birthday.

  • Stephaniestrandedupnorth Says:

    you spend hours writing what you want the EMTs to know about you on your medical ID bracelet…then you add charms to it just ’cause you want them to know you are not a pauper.

  • Lynne in Ridgeland Says:

    when your party attire always includes a tiara, and never includes panties.

  • MsMelissa Says:

    When the little children attending your school ask if you are the principal and you answer “No, I am the Queen!”

  • Boss Wicked Queen Says:

    the last time you went to the beach with your fellow Wicked Queens they created and named an adult beverage after you — and a year later they’re still serving it!

  • Beth Says:

    when you announce to the family that supper will be death chicken and danger pudding they know exactly what you are talking about. Funeral food is the BEST!!!

  • Krista a.k.a. Queen Buttercup Says:

    You might be a Queen if you show up at the local farmer’s market in your sequins and crown selling cookbooks to raise money for the chirren. How to spot a Queen? They buy two of said cookbook because it’s ALL for the chirren!

  • Moana VaVoom Says:

    If your biggest claim to fame is the picture of HRH Jill lolling with the blanket/suckup-gift you made from the USAToday. Of course there is a laminated copy on your fridge.

  • Moana VaVoom Says:

    If you are married to the greatest Cabana Boy in the World. (excluding TCBITW, of course)

  • Happy Helper Jan Says:

    when you fly accoss contrey for a perade and to party with old frinds for a weekend

  • Queenie Ronda Says:

    You might be a Queen if…….you drive 462 miles to sleep in a hotel room for three nights with your BFF Tammy (who, by the way snores ALL night long like a freight train)to walk in a parade to show off your tiara, then drive 462 miles back home to the world’s largest AssMonkey (who, by the way still needs to attend AssMoney schoolin’)and had the MOSTEST fun doing it ever and vow to do it EVERY year!!

  • Idaho Sugar Beet Boss Queen Cleo Says:

    …if your idea of the perfect dinner is a bucket of New Allisons, some Pig Candy, and a whole pan of Chocolate Stuff, AND better yet, if your Cabana Boy brangs it to ya so you can commence to lollin’ about while he does your biddin’!

  • SouthernBelle Says:

    You wear your SPQ t-shirt traveling and ask the gate person if they are boarding yet and she respones, “Yes, your highness!!

    Or another time the stewardess introduces you as a famous SPQ because of your shirt!!

    Hey, I just wear them. I can’t control what they say!!

  • SouthernBelle Says:

    When you wear your tiara to your retirement party and someone asks if you are princess for the day and you reply with disdain, “No, I’m a Queen forever!”

  • Rhonda Meyer Says:

    When you walk into the local co-op elevator (feed store) and the employees all say, “It’s the LOVELY Rhonda Meyer (insert name)!”

    OR When you wear your sparkly super-high heels to the school Christmas program (because, of course, that’s how Queenly superintendents dress) and all the little chirren walking down the hall to the gymnasium pause and say “OOOhhhh” and “AAAhhhh” and “I LOVE your shoes, Mrs. Meyer!”

  • The Queen of Hearts Says:

    When you know that there’s a big brain beneath your big hair, and a big heart beneath your big bosom. (Apologies to Dolly Parton for the plagiarism.)

  • flyn_queen Says:

    When you wear your O-fficial BigAss tiarra and red wig to the airport and fly the cute little plane yourownself.

  • Beth Ellis aka Prissy Madea Says:

    You know you are a Queen when you can say whatever the hell you want, and not give a damn and they still love you!! Tell it like it is, Maxine!

  • Marie Says:

    If you are currently, have ever, or have future plans to be married to The Cutest Boy in The World (or a good quality designer knock-off!)

  • Lea Says:

    You Might Be a Queen If you can wear comfy capris,a t-shirt,and/or sandles and tennis shoes out to run erronds but can don the sequins,tiaras,and boas any other time.

  • Shannon Escove Says:

    When your entire wedding theme is SPQ, including crowns for cake toppers, tiaras and crowns all around, and the wedding party Queens tossing crowned beads from a white cadillac during the reception as the subjects ewww’d and awwww’d and bowed from the crowd!!!

    Needless to say my wedding was perfect!

  • Michelle Crampton - Trawler Queen Says:

    When you can make chocolate stuff with your eyes closed and it serves ONE. Then you tell everyone who is in the living room waiting on it that, “Sorry, I ran out of something and couldn’t make it for ya’ll after all.”

  • Cheryl Ramey Says:

    you are reading the latest issue of “Weight Watchers” magazine while eating ooeey gooey butter cake with your feet propped up.

  • precious pam Says:

    . . . when you have had a bad day you reach for your Bible and your BIG ASS CROWN to cheer you up!! :)

  • CyberQueen Tammy Says:

    When men buy you thangs for no reason (well maybe ’cause you laugh at ‘em) and you always wave when a car honks !

  • Diferent and loving it Says:

    You might be a queen if when you enter a room, everyone stops talking and pays attention to little olde you.
    Don’t you love it when that happens?

  • Diana Always-Young Hall Says:

    When the BEST day of the week is Fiesta Friday and all you care about is Knock-you-naked Margaritas… or it could be Thursday, who the heck cares!!!

  • QueenStella Says:

    Your email address has “Queen” in it. You wear your tiara while doing household chores and gardening. You wear your tiara while in the carpool lane.

  • Sherry Sander Parks Says:

    If you have ever jumped nekkid off the Willy T!

  • Queen Magnolia Martha Azalea Says:

    When you have to drive your ass to the Kentucky Derby, because the four ginormous hats you’re totin’ will cost you $200 in extra luggage charges if you fly. But it was all worth it, because your queenly self got her picture took a million times, and made the Louisville Courier Journal, flashin’ a queenly smile for all the royal subjects, and other assorted riff raff.

  • Shilohbaby Says:

    The place you relax in the family room is known as the “Throne”. No one else ever sits there.
    Your “Throne” occupies the prominent spot in the room directly in front of the TV.
    The telephone is next to the “Throne” and is on the charger for long lollin’ conversations.
    Passers-by know to ask if you would like a snack or drink and produce what you require…happily.
    All is well.

  • amy rohde Says:



    SHERRY SANDER PARKS–please DO TELL what and where is the WILLY T and how did you happen jump off of it nekkid???


    Men’s eyes get all glazed over and they gleefully obey your every whim or command at the mere THOUGHT of The PROMISE.

  • SouthernBelle Says:

    I think Shannon Escove should win because of her Queenly wedding!!

  • Ramona Gooch Says:

    Of course I am a SPQ as I always show up in an exploding fireworks bra.. dressed in saran wrap and duct tape..but wearing a big ass crown on my big ass hair.. and having a big ass time. Hail to the Queens.


    Isn’t saran wrap hot??

  • Tam I Am Says:

    …your response to “why are you dancing up on that table?: is:

    “Because I CAN”

  • Paula Waula Says:

    You buy your wigs where the drag queens shop to get the biggest hair. Just Google drag queen wigs. Oooo Lordy I get excited. The wigs must hold up in a convertible too at top speed.

  • Paula Waula Says:

    That’s a 1955 Cadillac Convertible.


    We were taught the Secret of Drag Queen Hair by NuClia Waste: ELMER’S GLUE! Dilute with water enough that it will spray through a pump sprayer and fire away–YOUR HAIR WILL NOT MOVE–E-VER.

  • Amanda F. Says:

    You might be a queen if…

    your husband’s relatives still call you “Miss Amanda” after knowing you for over 10 years….

  • Danielle Says:

    … when your kindergartner introduces you to his friends and teachers as the Sweet Potato Queen

  • Cindy Beauchamp Says:

    Drat, I really had a good one, but gotta laughin so hard I forgot it.

  • Christy Rattan McDonald Says:

    When your first response to bad news is to reply: “Well, shoot.”

  • Saraka Says:

    You eagerly pass out red whistle lips in the bar on thirsty Thursday and on through out the parade. You tell everybody they are Arkansas BJ’s…and you wonder what’s the big fuss over this Promise thing?

  • George Says:

    your father tells company, “No, He doesn’t like girls. He runs them off.”

  • Cindy Kauth-Dupree Says:

    You and your fellow Queens wear your tiara fishing and the man at the dock asks if you are Princesses. And you ALL say very loudly in unison “NO, WE ARE QUEENS!”

  • Sue Gallagher Says:

    if all your friends refer to your grandbaby as the Royal Court Jester and want to know if you are wearing your tiara to go to the hardware store…LOL true story

  • Michelle Says:

    You might be a Queen if the party don’t start til you show up! :-)

  • Carrie Jones Says:

    You would rather beg forgiveness than ask permission

  • Robin O'Bryant Says:

    If u are laying in a hospital bed about to get your traitorous gallbladder removed, IV in hand and you are trying desperately to win your very own tiara and sunglasses!!!! Pick me! I’m at st dominicks!!!!!

  • Jean A Miller Says:

    When everyone you know calls you Lime Green Queen because they are pretty sure that is your real given name and you are the only 50 old person at work who can get by with wearing a tiara to work.

  • Cheryl Paul Says:

    …you show up for outpatient surgery fully decked out with makeup, false eyelashes, & nail polish and you try to bribe the surgical assistant to allow you to keep it all on for your surgery instead of having to undergo major surgery sans makeup or nail polish!

  • Trish Reeves Says:

    When the first thing your precious baby girl does in the morning is find your tiara and put it on and your husband refers to you as “madam queen.” My baby firl is getting her OWN tiara at her next b-day – and not one of those toy ones but the real rhinestone deal. Maybe then, she’ll quit stealing mine! Like Mama like Princess!

  • Susan O'Bryan Says:

    Your friend trips walking to the parade route, and you all pile in the car, show up in the ER – still in wig and costume. The first thing you notice is how cute the doctor is, and then you ask if your friend will be OK! TRUE STORY!

  • Laura Whitfield Says:

    You’ve trained the men you grace with your presence to utter “The Six Words a Woman Most Loves to Hear From a Man”!

  • Janet Says:

    When your kindergarten students draw you with a crown without instructions or anything. They just know! It happens every year.

  • Debbie Says:

    You’ll know it’s me when I have to toss my canned ham on the counter in order to fish my checkbook out of my purse! ;)

  • Renee Kirschenbaum Says:

    You might be a Queen if….the sun always seems to shine perfectly on you, or is that your personal lighting crew assuring that you’re shown in the best possible light for all your subjects to admire your greatness.

  • Andyriffic Says:

    …if you need to do neck exercises to be able to wear that tiara on top of all that hair…

  • Kim Wiseman Says:

    knowing that being enthusiastic is the MOST important trait any god-loving woman should have and KNOWS how to work it and own it.

  • Pam McGuffey Says:

    You lie “up” about your age so that people will think you look remarkably young for your age.

  • MaggieMine Says:

    …you can pump gas in a wig, big ass tiara and feather boa with complete self-confidence and then give a parade wave as you drive away.

  • Kathy Melancon Says:

    you split your dang head open and got 8 staples; have them removed the day before the SPQ Fabulous weekend in Jackson, MS; but still wear that Black Eye Pea Queen crown that Queen Missy made you, even though it is heavy as hell.

  • KarenBoe Says:

    … you are the envy of all you survey.

  • Meredith Pytleski Says:

    Young girls look at you with adoration when you are shopping for Queenly stuff! I had a shopping cart full of pink and green tule, boas, and sparkly stuff and the two little girls infront of me loved my cart!

    Another little girl came up to me in a store and asked if I were a queen! I said “yes mamn”!! and you can be one too!!

    Gotta love the chirrin!

    My own two daughters go with me to Jackson for the festivities- and real fun mother-daughter life bonding event!

  • Jackie Stader Says:

    You might be a Queen if…

    …arrange a phone call with HRH Jill and your charter thinks your a Goddess on top of a Queen!(true story!)

    …your decorator starts suggesting you move away from the Pink & Green color palette.

    …It doesn’t take Fat Mamas Knock You Naked Margaritas for you to get naked, you’re just a natural! (true story…also verified)

    …Your King Spud Stud offers up his closet for your tiara and wig wardrobe.

    …your Chiropractor suggests not wearing that big wig and tiara thingy so frequently…GASP!!!

    …you know all it takes to get a smile on your face is to pick up one of the SPQ books and read for a few minutes!

    …when you start leaving SPQ books with the tip for the waitress (which explains why y’all were having so much fun…we know she wanted to join us!)

    …you’ve answered this question…multiple times…because you’re just lollin’ ’round on a Friday afternoon waiting for happy hour!

  • Sarah Blair Says:

    … you’ve ever worn out a tiara by wearing it to too many parties!
    … your 2 year old already knows the value of sparkly shoes.

  • Melissa Morrison Says:

    when you become the president of your Kiwanis Club you insist members call you Your Highness instead of Madame President and you wear a crown to all meetings! (Yes I did!)

  • Queen Bess Says:

    You know what you’re going to wear to the funeral…who you’re going to flirt with…………

  • Krista a.k.a. Queen Buttercup Says:

    you see sequins or feathers on anything and the first thing you think of is PARADE WEEKEND where this year WE ALL WILL BE VIRGINS AGAIN!!!!!!!

  • housefullofkids Says:

    If you sparkle everywhere you go!

  • Monkey Queen Says:

    …if you go shopping for work clothes that include hiking boots, bug spray and a machete AND a tiara, sequins and feathers!

  • FooFoo LaRue Says:

    You might be a Queen if… you know in your heart that the old saying is true- “The taller the tiara, the closer to God.” God does love the Queens. ;-)

  • FooFoo LaRue Says:

    You might be a Queen if… you know how to use JB Weld to fix a broken tiara.

  • Helen Gunton Says:

    You might be a Queen if….what do you mean “IF”…I am a Queen bygawd!

  • Suzanne H. Says:

    You might be a Queen if…You order the “Never Wear Panties to a Party” bumper sticker and do not explain it to your husband (or anyone who doesn’t get it!) Let ‘em wonder…


    These are all HI-LARIOUS! Robin–I can’t believe you’re awaiting surgery–but still managing to enter the contest–bwahaha! True Queenliness! I love all these. Foo-Foo–can you weld, really? TCBITW will think that is WAY HOT!

    And all of you who’ve posted multiple comments in the same post–do ‘em separately next time and up your odds of winning! It’ll be a drawing of the from the post #s–but if all your comments are on one post, that’s only one # and you’re entitled to many more! And, for the record, MY posts will not be amongst the numbered ones–only y’all’s!

  • Sherri Marengo Says:

    …you ‘work’ the room at the Olive Garden before sitting down to have lunch with your husband. (true story-lol)

  • Sherri Marengo Says:

    and Jill- if you check my pictures on facebook, you will see the huge red hair and big boobs are real. :-) and I’m sure I can acquire the right go-go boots-haha!

  • Pateeta Says:

    You might be a Queen if… your 4 year old grandbaby brags on you about all the sparkly/feather/foofy stuff you have in your closet.

  • Andyriffic Says:

    …when your friends know that you are the Tammy in the story because you keep saying how unbelievably fabulous she is…

  • Norma Wray Says:

    When Little Miss Muffet and Little Boy Blue were just sprouts and learning their ABCs (with one of those cardboard picture books) and you got to the letter “Q” you politely told them “See that picture? Now that’s Mommy!”

  • "Miss" Becki Nightingale Says:

    whenever I am expected to justify why I have done one thing or another…I simply tell them ” I am the Queen, THAT’S why! “

  • Trixie Says:

    When you reply to the question even though you know it’s too late to win the prize but just want to be with your Queens and loll around and talk! p.s. my little Pearl Girl Queen in Waiting got her license today!!!

  • Suzy Scott Says:

    You might be a queen if you have three tiaras in your office for backup just in case they forget who you are.

  • Bodacious Barbara Says:

    You might be a queen if …
    * when you travel to England and see Buckingham Palace, your first thought is “I knew I shouldn’t have left my tiara at home!”
    * your favorite beach read (other than Jill Conner Browne’s latest book) is “Southern Living Annual Recipes” for last year.
    * you can use BODACIOUS and GOOBER in the same sentence without thinking it at all strange. Example: “I hear tell you bald a bodacious mess of goober peas. I’m fixing to come see y’all lickety split!”
    * your eyes light up like a child’s at Christmas when you tell of your SPQ weekend in Jackson last March with your daughter!


    BWAHAHAHA! I love the use of “bodacious” and “goober” in the same sentence! That may be our next contest! Still laughing…!

  • Robin O'Bryant Says:

    I got that sucker YANKED. My husband thought I was crazy as a sprayed roach when he realized what I was doing with my phone!


    Robin–Hope you are mending peacefully and quickly! xxooj.

  • Fabulous Queen Amber :) Says:

    … When your 14 year old has you in her phone as “the Fabulous Queen” and you are DO PROUD that she gets it!!

  • Fabulous Queen Amber :) Says:

    I meant SO PROUD :)

  • Fabulous Queen Amber :) Says:

    Or…. When your brother in law walks in and stares at you, mouth open while you are in your pjs, sewing on a Halloween costume because you are wearing a tiara and of course and are beyond appalled that he not only was surprised by this but had the NERVE to say “Nice HAT”… (By the way, he is now my EX brother in law..)

  • Rhiannon Says:

    I’m late, but I gotta add mine:

    You know you’re a queen when, regardless of the picture being taken, you give a perfect and queenly T pose. Bonus points if you do it with a drink in your hand.

  • Lady Kate Says:

    You ARE the Queen if you are reading this awaiting to go “under the knife” wearing your tiara during surgery.

  • Hootie Rootie Says:

    …if you can answer a question from a complete strange man in a department store who is trying of a pair of women’s high heels (as a joke)and asks if that is what is referred to as a pump – why, no sir, that is really a FMP! Then loving the expression on his face as you explain to him as to what a FMP actually is. I’m hoping I did Trooper proud on that one.

  • Myrna Wierenga Says:

    You know you are a QUEEN when your lips are brightly lipsticked and ready to be smooched and you always accessorize – bling and all.

  • Myrna Wierenga Says:

    You know you are a QUEEN when your lips are painted brightly and ready for a smooch, and always remember to accessorize tastefully bling and all.

  • Myrna Wierenga Says:

    You know you are a QUEEN when your lips are painted brightly ready for a smooch and you always accessorize bling and all.

  • sassy cindy Says:

    your mother named you Freddie Mercury. (You have to be over 50 to get this one).

  • jeannine dowley Says:

    When you lift your beer for the first toast at the weekly Happiest Hour, your flotilla of bracelets clanking away drown out your precious voice.

  • miss kitty Says:

    When you HAVE to wear that new petticoat (without panties)as a skirt to a party if it hairlips the guv’nah and brang the rub-on tatoos fer all ye girlfriends. And on the way there, yer walking down the street with a bodacious gooey chocolate cake in one hand and a cocktail in the other and people stop to admire your queenliness.

  • Queen Laura Says:

    Your new boss tells you to call her “Joyce,” and asks what you prefer to be called (she’s wondering whether you want your job title to be Administrative Assistant or Secretary) and you reply, “Oh, Queen, will be just fine.”