WHICH SINS WOULD YOU TAX?
Posted September 9th, 2009 by Jill Conner BrowneSomebody asked me today what I thought about the possibility of a tax on stuff that contributes to obesity, etc. and then the whole “sin tax” question and naturally, I refused to have a serious discussion about it but I did give it a lot of thought.
Well, of course, I don’t have any problem with taxes on cigarettes and crap–because I don’t personally USE those things. I only want taxes on things that don’t affect me–lots and lots of taxes on those things. Bacon should be tax-free, though. And chocolate. They can tax the shit outta Wendy’s and Taco Bell–just about any fast food place. Except for places that sell chocolate milkshakes because I need a lot of those. So if they sell chocolate milkshakes either make those tax-free or give the whole place a tax exemption, I don’t care, as long as it doesn’t affect me.
Let’s see–they can tax porn–I don’t use that. Definitely a HUGE tax on vehicles with sound systems that belong in a stadium. They can tax tattoos–but not plastic surgery. Tax crack–but not Xanax and Valium and Percoset. Absolutely no tax on birth control–any form–actually, make it all free–big sacks of it on every corner. Tax baggy pants if underwear and/or buttcracks are exposed. Tax tank tops on any guy outside a gym and any woman over 40 unless she has good arms or she’s mowing the yard.
Tax those fake balls on trailer hitches. I saw some stainless steel ones the other day–or possibly aluminum–cheap bastard–big tax on those.
What would you tax?
16 Responses to “WHICH SINS WOULD YOU TAX?”
September 9th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
We must start with BIG BIG BIG taxes on any clothing SMALLER than a size 16. Why? you might ask? Easy, it’s much harder to cut & sew those little ol bitty things…and we big girls already have to pay for all the extra material our clothes use up, SO it’s only FAIR skinnies get hit in the purse too.
Tax straws, as bad as I hate to say it. Because I adore straws and until it costs me money NOW, I fear I am never gonna be able to kick the habit.
I must agree with heavily taxing the slackin pants folks…if I see one more pair of drawers that doesn’t belong to my husband or son, I may just appoint myself the tax collector. I wish to add to this a HEFTY (pun intended) fee for those persons (particularly female) who would have a regular shaped body BUT INSIST upon mooshing up and over their pants the few pounds of fat that they own. I have spent YEARS trying to disguise my fat and am quite resentful when these huzzies just squish theirs out for everyone to see. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT?
(also known as the Muffin Top)
Tax women who walk goofily in high heel shoes.
Tax men who spend more time in the bathroom than their wives do.
TAX TAX TAX those BASS-TURDS who call my home and tell me that they are searching (i.e. trying to collect a debt) for a “neighbor” of mine and “can you please relay a message to them?”
Oh for heaven’s sake, I could go on and on forever.
But I will tell you this, when Mr. Obama taxes my Diet Sunkist, well, let’s just say, he’s gonna get an earful right from the purses’ mouth.
September 9th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
well, I think we should tax Barbie. Anyday. They give everyone an illusion of perfection. And BECAUSE of those impossibly figured woman, your errant friends come up to you and (completely forgetting their own personal bodies which are ads for any multi-gym BEFORE picture) says … “dah-lin, your’e reeely not gettin’ any slimmah, are yah?”
TAX BARBIE. And KEN in the process.
And yes, NO TAXING BACON AND HAM AND OTHER PORCINE DELICACIES. Also, NO TAXING ICE CREAM AND BEEFSTEAK.
September 9th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Now why you gotta tax tattoos?
But there should totally be a tax for anyone who does something dumbass.
September 9th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
A tax on philanderin husbands, on top of all the other stuff he will undergo legally and illegally (ha)
No tax on the adulterous wife though, if it is her first time. If her husband had been good to her, she would not have done anything in the first place!
Not sure about second time philanderers of the female type, prolly a tax on them too.
Also, any larva who goes out with a married man should be heavily taxed. It will teach them a good lesson in economics.
When is Kyle’s Camp for Ass Monkey hubbies opening?
September 10th, 2009 at 4:43 am
No, now, I’ve got to say, cheatin’ is cheatin’ and we tax it all. If he ain’t good to you, leave his ass and find you a good one–they makin’ ‘em thangs ever’ day.
Poorna–those are not “errant friends”-those are “bitches!” Yes, tax Barbie–and Ken for so many reasons. And, absolutley all those foodstuffs are exempt!
September 10th, 2009 at 9:37 am
I agree on those “truck balls” things. I just wanna sneak up behind one in the parking lot with a pair of hedge clippers, cut ‘em off, and then paste them to the headlights–effectively performing the first ever sex-change on an automobile! Talk about pimpin’ someone’s ride!
And don’t go dissin’ Barbie. She may LOOK good figure-wise, but the pore thang’s gone fifty years without being anatomically correct! At that age, I do believe some plastic surgery is surely due to her. She oughta at LEAST have nipples! And as for Ken, he ain’t never been nothin’ but Barbie’s boy-toy!
September 10th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Ya’ll just need to leave my cigarettes and beer out of this equation……… Some things are hard to let go of, even more than a rotten husband. Toys are a good idea to Tax!!! That way parent would buy less and maybe their kid would go outside and play and get some exercise…. Like we did as kids!
September 11th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Yes, Barbie’s been punished enough–we should do a fundraiser to buy her some nipples–or she could get some of those fake ones like they had on Sex and the City that time. I was always curious about that–how many people actually NEED fake nipples??
September 11th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
i would buy a pair of fake nipples just to have a set that weren’t under my boobs. oh, how everything has shifted through the years. it’s especially sad to think of because when i was a young larva; my mom would call me and my not yet then husband barbie and ken– we were soooo cute!!! then, too, i think fake nipples would be considerably cheaper than plastic surgery and i wouldn’t have to go under the knife.
September 13th, 2009 at 6:46 am
Legalize all drugs and tax the crap out of em…it’s all pretty obvious anyways, may as well get something good out of it, o and leave Barbie out of it and give Bratz the motherload tax! As well as 2 & half men, Nascar, South Park, reality tv, kiddy queens..hell make a tax button mandatory on remotes…
September 14th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Amen on things shifting. When I was but a mere larva, my bustline was a mere size A, and gravity never touched me. Now I’m hot and flashy, and suddenly I’ve gone to a B cup. And gravity has taken over as well. Hubby seems to like the increase in size, judging by how round his eyes get, but he aint’ the one toting these thangs around! What we gals need is some anti-gravity support garments!
September 14th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Oh, the BRATZ–mercy, yes, tax the crap outta them! Kathy T–can you stand on your head?
September 15th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Stand on my head, Miz Jill? You mean, can I stand on my head and still see (or breathe)? Or am I agile enough?
Yes, ma’am, I could probably do it (if someone props me against a wall) and still see. But I maintain that after bein’ Flatsy-Patsy most of my life, it still feels weird now. Underwires just plain hurt, so I’m still waitin’ for anti-gravity undergarments. (I won’t even go into how much anti-grav I’d need for my rear end!)
September 15th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Oh, yes–and why, oh why, could I not have been a size B when I was young and cute, and nothing actually drooped? I just know God is snickering over this!
September 17th, 2009 at 7:17 am
God is a man–always knew that.
September 26th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Tax the sins against fun and joy, and there will be more fun and joy in the world.
Companies (and employees) who think there is nothing wrong with 24/7 availability – except for emergency personnel, they are saints – tax them for lowering the quality of life.
Madison Avenue, with all the unreasonable standards and contradictory messages! How can I be my best self if I have to do it your way?
Whiners, killjoys, holier-than-thou bigots, self-righteous arbiters of morality and decency, and anyone who feels the need to drone on about “the difference between a want and a need” – maximum penalties! (Give their spouses immunity, especially for the want/need quote. I’d appreciate it.)
Wouldn’t the world be a better place?