CROCS KILL CUTE–BOBBY COLE MUST DIE
Posted May 5th, 2009 by Jill Conner BrowneOh, good Lord. I never in a million years could have seen THIS coming. There I was, bumbling along, stupidly happy and enjoying my weekend romps around North Mississippi (btw–if you haven’t been to Columbus, West Point and Corinth, Ms–they are ALL totally worth the trip–SOOO HAPPENIN’! LOVED ‘EM all! Could easily live in any one of ‘em and may yet!)–anyway–I’m out there, having a Large Time and then, with NO WARNING WHAT-SO-EV-ER–it happened.
The Cutest Boy in the World goes off to a meeting with his author/client Bobby Cole (If you haven’t read THE DUMMY LINE yet, you’re missing out and you need to hurry up because Randall Wallace is about to make it into a movie and then how stupid will you look for not having read it yet?)–and my sweetheart, Scott Caples, the Spud Stud from Tupelo (which is where I was born and is also a WONDERFUL place that I could see myself living in again–especially since Scott is there and that would mean endless supplies of edible treats for ME!)–came to pick me up and wag me around for laughs while Kyle was working.
So, a few hours later, we meet up with The Cutest Boy in the World and he gets out of the truck–AND HE’S NO LONGER CUTE–AT ALL. As a matter of fact, all he lacks is a mullet and a couple of missing/rotted teeth to look like some of the characters in THE DUMMY LINE! I can barely stand to LOOK at him–the transformation is so complete and horrifying. What has happened in the span of those few hours, you may well ask?
Bobby Cole, for whom I recently and now FORMERLY had great respect and admiration, had given to my FORMERLY majorly cute husband a pair of CAMO CROCS and he was WEARING THEM.
Do you understand me? He had on CROCS–and they were made of the normal rubber crap but they were in CAMO. You just THOUGHT Crocs were hideous before–trust me, camo adds a whole new level of revulsion.
21 Responses to “CROCS KILL CUTE–BOBBY COLE MUST DIE”
May 5th, 2009 at 8:10 am
my son has a pair of em…might as well be wearing vomit on his feet !
I’m tickled silly to hear that “The Dummy Line” is being made into a movie though…even moreso to hear Randall Wallace is the one making it !
The entire book was “edge of your seat” I can only imagine how good the movie will be.
Can’t wait !
May 5th, 2009 at 8:13 am
OMG I could not agree more! Crocs are just horrible and ugly no matter how ya slice it! The man was obviously somehow brainwashed!
May 5th, 2009 at 8:42 am
Jill, did you at least put Kyle in time out? Is Bobby still alive?
May 5th, 2009 at 8:42 am
Now, now … my Southern sistas; keep calm and I’ll try to explain the Crocs thing. Here, on the SE coast of my beloved and beautiful Southport, North Carolina, Crocs are a big thing. They have replaced Dockers and no socks … except for shagging. No self respecting Southerner would attemp to shag in Crocs. But, for bumming around on the beach, your boat, the docks, your garden, etc … crocs are great. Most people don’t know there are several style crocs. My favorites are flip flops, and two strap sandals. I admit they may look out of place inland somewhere, but on the coast, they are must haves.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:05 am
OMG – -I can just see Kyle and his little skinny legs in a pair of CAMO crocs ! Bless your heart Jill
)
And now saying this in a whisper…”I really want a pair (not camo though)”, even as ugly as they are – and they are definitely UGLY! I want to tromp around in the rain in them…. woo hoo
May 5th, 2009 at 9:06 am
p.s. The little skinny legs part was NOT an insult !
May 5th, 2009 at 9:14 am
I wholeheartedly agree – CROCS are atrocious! And the sadest thing is: they are the first shoe that comfortably fits my daughter’s ‘special’ feet.
Since birth her poor little feet and toes have given us nuthin’ but trouble (18 yrs. ago she was born). Then, along came the hideous CROC! Lo and behold! They fit and they are comfortable for her, bless her heart. I’ve bought them in every color for her.
For the life of me, I can’t stand them, and there is my darlin’ little angel wearin’ ‘em night and day! God love her.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:15 am
I understand the need for hideous rubber shoes at the beach–but we are 200 miles inland. Yes, we live on a lake–but he was wearing them in WEST POINT, MS–and above–and we weren’t even anywhere near the TennTom or anything. He was JUST WEARIN’ ‘EM–bigger’n'Dallas.
And by “shagging”–I am assuming you are NOT using the Austin Powers definition?!
Kathi–I will pray daily for a better-looking shoe to come along that fits your baby girl’s sweet feet! And I’ll pray for you in the meantime!
May 5th, 2009 at 11:55 am
So here’s the thing, I live way up north(Maine)and crocs are huge up here, and I do completely agree crocs are horrid, but I have to tell you the funniest thing is to watch some fool tromp around in the middle of freakin winter with a pair on! Let me tell you, those crocs are not designed for snow!!!! That fool was slippin and slidin all over the place, dang it! Where’s my camera when I really need it.
Jill I know he’s the cutest boy in the world, but I do insist on pictures. At least then you could show them around at the most opportune moments, like during the parade on a huge banner, and remind the cutest boy in the world exactly how silly he looks in crocs!
May 5th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Fling those hideous suckers under the moving lawn mower and turn them into mulch!
May 5th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I’ve seen those things and they do not look like Real Shoes, but like those molded, plastic toy shoes they put on dolls–minus the back parts. I can see why you’d wear them near the water. No sense in getting your GOOD shoes messed up. But they are homely things.
My Dearest Hubby generally likes the Practical kind of footwear, and I’m glad we live inland (not far from Dallas, in fact). If he ever found Crocs to be practical, he might think to wear them, at least when diggin’ in the yard. Well, they’d likely be covered with mud so maybe they wouldn’t be noticable that way.
What I love is seeing men down here walk around in sandals with white socks over their bare legs, which are sticking out of cutoff jeans or baggy shorts. This usually goes with a tee-shirt, and often on a winter day when it’ forty degrees outside. Men do boggle one’s mind!
May 5th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
These are a mystery to me; they cost as much as a real pair of shoes even though they’re made of plastic.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Have you ever thought about smearing bacon grease on them so the dogs will chew them up? That way, you can honestly say that you didn’t maul them. & he won’t get anymore, because the dogs will just get them again.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Crocs are the worst! I have a co-worker who has a pair in every imaginable color and wears them with socks and(prepare yourself for the horror)…CAPRIS!! I can see her standing in front of the mirror at home saying “Yeah…this is a hot look!”.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Oh, no.
Why don’t guys realize that this takes us STRAIGHT to Ick, IMMEDIATELY upon seeing such a horror?!!!
NOT sexy. Nothing remotely sexy about Crocs. They’re the opposite of sexy– Sexy’s KRYPTONITE, if you will. In fact, I think I’ll get down on my knees right this second and thank gawd almighty that Brian won’t go near ‘em.
Oh, and I vote for NO PICTURES. My photographic memory does NOT need to have THAT shit stored in the brain for eternity, thankyeeeew very much.
Kyle, I love you and your prank-callin ways more than hot, crispy bacon, but NO, sir. Please, no.
Jill, my thoughts are with you.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Horrors, my Southern Sistas … Y’all don’t know what shagging is???? No, it is not the Austin Powers thing. The Shag is the official dance of my neighboring state, South Carolina. Think, Beach Music! Along the SE coast of North & South Carolina we grew up learning the Shag. The Embers, Fantastic Shakers, Craig Wollard Band, Coastline, Band of Oz. To bring to a level I think you will understand, you can even Shag to Delbert.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I know how to shag to that Carolina Beach Music! Even got my yankee husband to take lessons. It’s the only way he knows how to dance!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
I grew up in North Carolina, but now live in East Texas. Nobody here knows what beach music is, of course they can’t shag, and they wear Crocs ALL YEAR LONG. I am the only person in my circle of friends who owns a deviled egg plate. It is my own personal hell.
May 5th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Crocs are a colorado thing, and to be honest with you…as embarassing as it is to say, we create lots of UGLY styles of things….and people buy ‘em. There is VERY little water here in Mile High. It’s those Boulder types that create the ugly shoes methinks. Having said that though, they DO pass the stink test with flying colors. You can wear em all day long and no foot odor.
On behalf of us Colorado’ans, Jill….sorry about the ugly shoes.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Oh Cookie, I dare to disagree vehemently! My aforementioned daughter’s CROCS stink to high Heaven! I mean, come on, sweaty feet in plastic shoes?
ICK! Here’s the best thing/worse thing about it:
this sweet child of mine cannot smell. It’s medically cald Anosmia. She cannot smell a darned thing! So that’s the best thing, SHE CAN’T SMELL HER STINKY CROC FEET!
The worse thing is: I CAN!! So not only am I visually offended at every turn by the sight of those damned CROCS, but my good ole olfactory senses are tested on a regular-like basis to boot!
Dear Lord in Heaven, deliver me from stinky, butt-ugly CROCS!
Jill, thank you for your kind words and prayers (pronounced PRAY- ers by my daughter for some odd reason) may God hear you and send beautiful shoes for my darlin’ baby girls’ little tootsies!
May 14th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
My Dearest Beloved Queen, those uggy crocs provided me comfort during my march with you two years ago. If you add enough bling, anything that provide your “dogs” comfort, begin to look beautiful. I hope one dark day, when your tootsie are hurting and you must go outside, maybe in the rain, you might fall into yours and walk a few steps in the comfort of the croc world. With much love, respect and admoration, I write these comments….