GIVE YOUR WHOLE
FAMILY THE FINGER!—and have them THANK you for it!
Talk about your win/win! Finger Football is way more fun than Regular Football:
Anybody with a finger or a thumb can not only play but WIN. Really. That's all you need.
You don't have to go outside in the cold and/or mud to play it or watch it.
Nobody's going to end up with a concussion.
Absolutely no knowledge or understanding of the actual game of football is required—paving the way for igmos of all kinds to become champions.
You can eat and drink WHILE playing the game.
You can watch an actual football game on the Big Screen WHILE playing the game.
There is no way your butthead brother-in-law can cheat, which will be a first.
No standing in line for nasty bathrooms (unless there's a crowd at your house and you didn't clean your bathroom).
The quality of the game-food is likewise up to you, plus or minus.
The only people "in the stands" or "on the field" will be the ones YOU INVITED (with the possible notable exception of the aforementioned butthead bro-in-law).
If you always wanted to paint your entire body in team colors and act like a completely mindless moron at a game but were too shy to actually do it in public—NOW YOU CAN—in the privacy of your own home. (Please send photos.)
No endless boring half-time shows.
No blind and/or crooked refs—you can make your OWN bad calls—with NO instant replay.
NO COMMERCIALS!
H.R.H. Jill Conner Browne, THE Sweet Potato Queen |