On In ... Hunny!
We are assuming that if
you are, in fact, Here, then you already KNOW
who the Sweet Potato Queens are because you
read The Book. That's how you found the website – by
reading it in The
If, as a matter of fact, you have NOT read
The Book, but rather learned of this website through
some unknown, but no doubt devious, means, then
stop right now. Go directly to How To Order and
order your own personal copy of The Sweet Potato
Queens' Book of Love and sit yourself down and
We don't care if you move your lips
when you read or even if you trace the words
with your finger, as long as you read it for
yourself. Do not go about Masquerading as One
Who Has Read the Book and do not think for one
second that we are going to give you any information
at this site that would assist you in this subterfuge.
We do not intend this site to be some sort of
cyber-Cliff's Notes for your lazy ass.
We are here to Sell Stuff.
We will offer the odd bit of Unsolicited Advice
and perhaps an occasional comment on current
events, but really we just want to Sell you
some Stuff. We think the Stuff will Amuse you,
Brighten Your Day, Distract You from Your Woes,
just generally Induce Chuckling All Around.
We don't care. I mean, I guess you could say
that we are Happy for You to experience all
those things or we would certainly be if we
ever gave a thought to Anybody Besides Our
Selves but, there you have it – we don't
... think about Anybody Besides Our Selves.
We might, if thinking about Our Selves wasn't
so Time Consuming. At any rate, for the sake
of discussion, let's just say that We are Happy
that our Stuff is going to make you a Happier,
Better Person, but what we are really interested
in is how Happy you are to Part with Your Money.
If there was sound on this thing, you would
hear me singing a perky little tune right now
about how we want your money! we know you've
got some! give it to us! by the boatload! lalalalala
and so on and so forth.
So buy lots and buy
And you can feel good about where your
money is going, too. It is my Solemn Pledge
to you that every single penny you send us
will be spent in the Relentless Pursuit of
Our Own Aggrandizement and Comfort. No high "administrative" costs
will eat up your precious contribution to Our
Cause – which is, as I stated, Our
Own Aggrandizement and Comfort … we do have
a fund for Plastic Surgery – but only the Essentials.
Thank you so much for visiting us and for all
your many purchases. If you are ever in Jackson,
Mississippi, we'll just be Highly Insulted if
you don't come by and let us give you a glass
of iced tea and a big ole kiss right on the lips.
Come right on back here and see us soon and bring
yer mommer 'n' em. We'll have new stuff you can't
live without all the time.
H.R.H. Jill Conner Browne, THE Sweet